darkunicorna

may is basically almost over LMAOOO HAVE TO LAUGH i was pretty busy with social life and work this month, which is why i dropped the ball. but here we are! updating! my attention span has been bad lately, so i haven't FINISHED a lot... there is a whole graveyard of romance novels i've started and never finished LOLOL we'll see if i have enough energy to write abt them in the books section below. without further ado!

shows / performances / misc

smtown may 11 i went. it was so much fun! i will write more here later.

xikers may 17 omg almost didn't go to this but i'm so glad i did bc it was soooooo much fun! the novo was a great venue and i was rly rly charmed by these guys. will write more later!

tv

i've barely watched any tv lol i can't even finish ep 1 of secret lives of mormon wives

webtoons / manga / manhwa / manhua

tears on a withered flower: korean, ongoing, ch. 46 still reading! a bit behind.

trashy situation: korean, ongoing, ch. 37 still reading! s1 ended

payback: korean, complete, ch. 94 + side stories (incomplete)

ask and you will receive - sonnani iu nara daiteyaru: japanese, ongoing, ch. 10.5 I LOVED THISSSSSS omg my brain was still living in this universe after catching up to all the translated chapters, tho the translator was such a fucking TEASE hinting at all the good stuff in vol 3 and then STOPPING TRANSLATING obvi i understand things come up and i am not mad that this translator stopped translating bc that shit takes TIME BUT! i am now eagerly awaiting vol 3 omg like when are official translations gonna make it there... please......... i love
and even tho hikaru is a narcissist lol he still has a lot of redeeming qualities? he's still v considerate of shinobu and still has a lot of desires that are centered around other ppl, like when he wanted to take shinobu on the date... he's not like selfish lol he's just self-centered, and even then not in the way where he can't see other ppl and their wants / feelings haha but just in that he will prioritize himself almost without thinking. also shinobu is so hot lol omg night time shinobu but still in glasses..... love him sm haha although he seems to be averse to expressing his emotions but he clearly clearly cares about hikaru. i rly like how he's kind of difficult to ruffle - not often blushing, not often embarrassed. he's so cool and calm for the most part, which is a good match for hikaru LOLLL. while it seems like they are both pulled together by s*xual chemistry at first, and although they are different from each other, i think what matters and what keeps them together is that they're interested in each other / interested in learning more about each other. i am realizing that a lot of japanese manga (and not even necessarily just BL) has a lot of honne vs. tatemae - a lot of distinction between a professional side of someone and their more social / casual / true side, and i think i personally really like that, maybe partially bc i feel like there is so much to ppl that ppl don't see, so it's nice to think abt romantic relationships as seeing and accepting all parts of that? i also think that ppl having completely different sides to them that defy expectations is fun and interesting, and i like the exclusivity of only one person knowing. in a way bc of shinobu, hikaru also develops another side of himself that he can't let other ppl know! speaking of, i love the scene where they both want to protect each other after nighttime shinobu is photographed meeting hikaru in his room, and shinobu ends up revealing his true looks / true self to his coworkers, but hikaru is so concerned bc he knows shinobu wanted to hide that to keep his true self safe.... such good commentary on sexuality + coming out (and also not having to come out representation!!!). ANOTHER THING i am rly liking about japanese manga is that oftentimes they are one shots / one volume, so the cp tends to get together in that time period, but if the story is lucky enough to be extended, then WE GET TO SEE HOW THEY DEVELOP IN A RELATIONSHIP PAST GETTING TOGETHER.......... like my beautiful man as well as this and i think there was one more that olivia recommended me... but we get to see a lot of their struggles and thoughts past them starting to date, and that often deals w their insecurities, their differences, that are initially key parts of the plot in kind of sensational ways in the beginning of the story to get ppl to read it haha. love established relationship stories like this! (not all established relationship stories. but ones like THIS. lol). anyway! i need to find a way to find vol 3 now!!

low tide in twilight: korean, complete, ch. 101 DANGGGG WHAT DO I SAY ABOUT THIS...... brooooo. well first i LOOOVE euiyoung i'm literally obsessed w him i was screenshotting away basically any time he was on the page. second. CRAAAAAZY plot and plot development like i guess i was on a streak w suicidal MLs since in payback yoohan was also extremely suicidal and basically everything jay did was to get him to not off himself lol here, euihyun is also def suicidal LOL but everything he does is for EUIYOUNGGGGG omg i was looking at my screenshots again and ugh i screenshotted that part where after euiyoung gets taken away by his biological father, euihyun is like i wanna go somewhere...... and i was like NOT THE OCEANNNN and taeju was also like NOT THE OCEANNN haha omg such a key moment in the story bc taeju stops hiding his true feelings at that moment and fesses up to fully knowing everything bad in euihyun's life is his fault and desperately desperately not wanting euihyun to k!ll himself bc of taeju.... ANYWAY I HAVE A POINT TO THIS I SWEAR TO GOD LMFAO the way euihyun actually never for a moment wanted to off himself there bc EUIHYUN WILL CALL SO HE CAN'T DIE. also ugh i just love how taeju grew to truly know and understand BOTH euihyun and euiyoung... when euiyoung ran away and everyone was looking for him but taeju realized euiyoung probably wouldn't come out of hiding unless he did something OTHER than call euiyoung's name, so he calls euihyun's instead bc he knows euiyoung would be worried something happened to his hyung. also i love the moment when euihyun is texting biological dad to get updates on euiyoung and euihyun is like "he says euiyoung is not eating" and then BOTH taeju and euihyun are like WELL WHY ISN'T HE EATING..... taeju caused so many of euihyun's worries so when he starts repenting for what he's done, he takes on euihyun's worries as his own, and he never treats euiyoung (at least post-rut scene lmao) as less than or as not a part of euihyun... like he loves euiyoung just as much bc euihyun loves him too. ALSO omg me just recounting bits and pieces lolol but the bit where euiyoung is at daycare and he's like why can't i eat this persimmon? and the teacher is like oh it's bc this one still has its peel on! you must be used to eating already peeled persimmons! it's hard to peel persimmons so whoever gave them to you must love you a lot" UGHHHH YES YOUR BROTHER FREAKING LOVES YOU SO FREAKING MUUUUUUUCH omg and then when euiyoung finds out he's an alpha and then taeju is like if you're an alpha you're like me vs if you're an omega you're like your brother and euiyoung starts SOBBING bc he wants to be like his bro not fuckass taeju LOLOL BUT THEN HE SWITCHES BC HE LEARNS THAT ALPHAS CAN PROTECT OMEGAS SO HE'S LIKE I WANNA BE AN ALPHA SO I CAN PROTECT YOU HYUNG.... ok let me stop and get to more of the overarching analyses lolol at its heart this story is abt LOVE in all its forms -- familial, romantic, etc -- and also how love can transform. the author's note at the end of the story talks abt the circle of love where initially taeju just loves himself and euihyun loves others more than he loves himself and then it circles to taeju loving euihyun like he used to love himself and euihyun loving himself bc taeju loves him. WAAAAAAHHH LOVE IS TRANSFORMATIVE LOVE CAN CHANGE PEOPLE LOVE CAN MAKE PEOPLE BETTER. WOW. taeju's transformation is truly truly so well written. he knows he's hurting euihyun but in the beginning he just doesn't care, vs as he begins to see euihyun as a person (esp someone who is so self flagellating as him), he feels worse and worse the more they have s*x bc he knows he doesn't have euihyun's actual heart and attention through it + knows euihyun is doing it out obligation. euihyun never pretends to have liked those nonconsensual encounters and outright says he only does it for euiyoung + for money -- and taeju also acknowledges that he wanted to trap euihyun in a box where only taeju mattered (like euihyun could only rely on taeju) just bc he wanted to be SOMETHING to euihyun, whatever that something may be (which led to euihyun obsessively fixating on whether or not taeju was bored w him / whether or not taeju would throw him away and replace him / whether or not taeju was actually interested in him). all of these things make the moments when taeju starts to make up for his wrongs all the better, all the sweeter, and it makes it all the more clear that their s*xual relationship at the start of the story was not love or romance. in this way, the noncnosensual nature of their encounters is not romanticized or s*xualized, and it rly served a purpose in the narrative story, so i hope ppl can approach it as such. I ALSO WANT TO SAY. there were a handful of moments where i was like ughhhh the plot continues due to some dumb misstep or something like that and THE AUTHOR ACTUALLY DID A GOOD JOB OF EXPLAINING THOSE STUPID PLOT MOMENTS IN THE END -- in a way that i think is rly effective and lines up well w taeju's character. when taeju was in wherever he was chasing euihyun's dad and he chooses to ditch the dad to find euihyun bc euihyun wasn't where he said he would be, i was like DANGIT!!! and also whether or not euihyun's debt was actually resolved..... IT'S ALL BC DESPITE HOW GOOD THEIR RELATIONSHIP WAS AFTER TAEJU STARTED GIVING MORE THAN TAKING, HE WAS STILL TERRIBLY AFRAID THAT EUIHYUN WOULDN'T NEED HIM ANYMORE AND WOULD LEAVE. he was desperate to tie euihyun to himself in any kind of way -- STILL. which i think is real bc there's no way he would do a total personality 180 so quickly. it felt super real in that it reflected thoughts and feelings and behaviors that i thought would definitely actually happen irl. i thought the plot points - like the pregnancy, the bad guys kidnapping euihyun, etc were all kinda rote, though still well done -- the setup to the kidnapping was very elaborate lol -- but the really really full characterizations made up for it and made this super memorable. i actually cried sm at euihyun at the end talking abt himself UGHHHH also yesss the miscarriage had to happen so that euihyun would realize that taeju loved him for him, not out of obligation or anything... UGH i love the ending sm with euihyun being the one to manipulate taeju into finally coming out of hiding from euihyun lol YEAHHHH EUIHYUN ON TOP! EUIHYUN IN CHARGE! i am. SO excited for the extras w baby + w OLDER EUIYOUNGGGGGG I LOVE YOU EUIYOUNGGGGG YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING. holy hell did i just type 1K words about this LOL. (spoiler: just did a word count and. i did)

unromantic romance: korean, complete, ch. 54 + side stories i really love what this manhwa set out to do. i love the premise of like. what if alphas were seen as weak and needed to be protected / guided / by omegas? first off, it's a recipe for power bottom city LOLOL second off, it just turns so many abo tropes on their head. hyeonoh was soooo clingy and he was the jobless af one while chu gain was the rich and powerful af CEO who usually never took other partners + was aloof af and lowkey kinda cruel? before meeting hyeonoh. hyeonoh for sureee falls first (all it takes is one night together for him to be unable to stop thinking abt gain lol). loved how hyeonoh made gain softer.... like when shura was like "i like you / think you are attractive rn" and gain is like whatever version of me you're attracted to is the one that was CREATED by / only exists bc of hyeonoh. in general the dialogue was rly great and felt like it aligned w my own perspective toward life EXCEPT the stuff abt kids... bc i obviously have rly strong opinions about only having kids if you want them bc childcare is hard as SHIT so you can't half ass that shit..... so i was like gain what the FUCK do you mean you'll have a kid just bc you know hyeonoh wants one.... that's reductive lol i know that's not the only reason.... and i did think his explanation to his mom when he first told her he was pregnant was really moving and beautiful and showed how much he rly loved hyeonoh... so i'll let it slide lmfao but GENERALLY SPEAKING i do not approve. omg also when the child was about to be born and gain was like idk if i will love it more than you... idk if i will love anything more than you" okay damnnnnn. overall super sweet and super fun to read and it was relatively well-paced although i thought that too much of the main conflict happened off screen so the resolution felt like... not like a big moment haha. i also loved how these moms -- like both gain and hyeonoh's mom's both looked kinda butch?? LMFAO. a pro in my book. BUT i do think it lost its trope subversion ways around the middle, esp since gain gets pregnant anyway... show me an abo manhwa/manga where the omega doesn't get preggers pls.... and if i think too hard i'm like hmmm what EXACTLY do these two like abt each other... like sure they have good chemistry but? other than that? it's supposedly titled unromantic romance bc gain is unromantic and hyeonoh is very romantic... i guess... i think they coulda sold that a little bit more haha i mean maybe i'm just Stupid abt relationships and they don't need allathat lol i mean it obvi still worked on me but ig i don't know how much of a lasting impact this story will have on me! but v fun w a unique concept and a nice length hehe so overall i approve.

love of clouds and rain: korean, complete, ch. 31 (total 40) i am reading this now and ngl will probably finish tonight hahah it's v sweet and i loooove the art. the artist is sooooo good at drawing old ppl who actually look old and who look like real old people. also all the various creatures are sooooooo freaking cute PEANUT. I LOVE YOU SM TT TT OH GOD. and the little guardian statue... i also loved it so immensely. this could honestly be longer w more adventures w other animals! each of the animals + owners' stories is really meaningful and emotional fr!! they almost got me GOOD (i'm on antidepressants). love how jung is autistic coded hahahah i do think he could do with a bit more depth in his backstory? like he doesn't get along w ppl... ok... did anyone bully him? why did they make him uncomfortable? also woonwoo also has an interesting backstory, esp w mr. turtle i was like wow so he's a nice guy despite being full of himself ig! curious to see when he'll figure out jung is his inverted scale lol.

movies

still watching at alamo, tho also did some at amc recently on those discount tuesdays (where would i be without discount tuesdays). excited for summer blockbusters! as always, my reviews are here.

books

i usually log my books on literal! but i barely finished a book lmfaoooo here is my graveyard of incomplete romance novels:

stroked long by meghan quinn ppl seem to like meghan quinn and this one was highly recommended out of all of her books. i think i was looking for some trope in particular... he falls first? (i don't think he falls first lol) obsessive ml? (i don't think ml is obsessive... i mean he is LITERALLY obsessive as in obsessive compulsive but not like OBSESSED w ruby) so... idk what got me here but! everyone was saying this is so deep and emotional bc bodi is so traumatized, and i did enjoy reading abt someone struggling w OCD; the stuff abt him being so afraid ruby would lose interest once she realized he wasn't "normal" kinda resonated bc i used to be concerned abt that all the time back when i was actually interested in relationships. both characters have a loooot of personality, and i thought the text exchanges while bodi was away for qualifing matches or whatever tf they're called were reallllly funny hahaha but i think the typical thing happened w me where i just lose interest once they consummate the relationship lolll maybe i just need to accept that smut is not for me + just skip the snu snu. i'm at 68% so i honestly rly should just finish it...

tristan by karla sorensen okay now THIS one i remember the trope i was looking for lolol i was looking for the trope where ml has had a crush on fl for a looooooong time beforehand bc i wanted down bad ml / he fell first + will do lots of acts of service for her without expecting anything in return... this definitely TECHNICALLY fits the bill, but i didn't think anna really had a good reason to still be w her husband + i didn't think tristan's reason for liking anna was good enough to have pined for her for so many years haha so i really didn't get far in this one (13%). thought it was interesting that anna was a korean adoptee, but idk if it would have been handled well if i got further tbh.

burn for you by j.t. geissinger i read melt for you and i LOOOOOOOOVED it and i actually finished it (amazed) so i was like oooh let me try the other books in this particular series! esp since it's the slow burn series lol so i thought i would have to get vvv far into the book before anyone consummates any relationship hahaha. i enjoyed it! and i was intrigued that j.t. geissinger decided to write a black fl surrounded by many black characters. i liked the touches of nola culture. i couldn't tell if jackson was supposed to be black or not as well bc when we meet cody, bianca knows cody is not related to jackson bc of his... pale ass skin color??? but jackson also has blue eyes. but also the narrators in the audiobook read jackson's lines w a particular accent that makes me think he's black. well. anyway i enjoyed it and was having a good time in general but my attention span struck again and even tho i was not against this couple, bianca and jackson's chemistry just wasn't as ELECTRIC as joellen and cam. only got to 35%, but maybe i will get to finishing this later!

focused by karla sorensen i actually got over 50% of the way through this. i liked to see the ways molly got past noah's gruff exterior. i think for their past history, it didn't have to be molly who was the catalyst for noah's shift to solely FOCUSING (get it, haha) on his career; in fact, i think it would have been better if it had been someone else, esp since the story intentionally doesn't emphasize any big feelings or attraction during their teenage years, so the event didn't really have a huge impact on their impressions of each other. i am at the part where they are at noah's grandma's house, and i just think it's a bad idea of them to consummate their relationship LOL it's not even me losing interest at it but specifically that molly is gonna get in soooooo much trouble. i was intrigued by some of the other stories in this ward sisters series, so i was thinking of reading another one... but i really should just finish this one lol i'm close enough to the end.

waiting for a scot like you by eva leigh i was probably looking for age gap trope lmfao i actually really really enjoy this book! i like that there is a background queer relationship, and that the characters make a point to look down on ppl who are overly patriotic to england + one of the characters even studies english colonialism. quite refreshing in a historical romance! the narrator's scottish accent is. um. not good LOL duncan just ends up sounding vaguely foreign. i quite like beatrice and i like the two of them as a couple, esp the ways that even tho duncan is younger, he still has QUITE a bit of life experience due to being in the war (and they also talk abt his PTSD from that a lot as well). ummm... once again... these ppl have consummated their relationship and i have lost interest LOLLLL i will probably end up finishing it (currently at 62%) but i just. took a bit of a break lolol. i thought the other stories in this series also seemed quite interesting!

and so it is april... what a month already. trying to go back to working out more but i fear i am no longer disciplined enough to do what i used to do lol. anyway! without further ado!

edit: whenever i update these mid-month (it is now apr 24), i look at the stuff i've already written abt like HOLY SHIT THAT HAPPENED THIS MONTH???? feels like EONS ago. anyway! updating!

shows / performances / misc

alvin ailey apr 4 went bc kait invited me and it was honestly sooooo cool and fun! i didn't know abt alvin ailey beforehand, but whenever i would mention it to others they would all be like oh! yes! haha. i loved sacred songs — just so so beautiful — and also treading was so wild! the lighting played such a key role in elevating the performances, ESPECIALLY for treading. i also liked wading in the water! the costumes were gorgeous and so flowy in ways that really enhanced the dancers' movements. ppl's arm movements looked like WATER it was so fun to watch this type of dance considering the rigidity of k-pop dance that i normally consume haha also i loved the parts where dancers' movement together would form a greater picture, like water or something. also loved that key movements were repeated throughout the entire thing. after the show, i took jl and jacob to meet kait... they were so awkward lmao idk why. but overall a great time and i'm glad i went!

the firstfruit mark omg!! it's not that i had low expectations of mark hahah but i didn't loooove +82 pressin'. i did like 200 and fraktsiya, but 200 in particular took a bit of time to warm up to. but i actually looooove this album so much. there is an interview in which mark mentions that he would listen to a lot of gospel music growing up and IT SHOWS. the gospel influence is HEAVY, imo in a good way. there are A LOT of religious references in his songs and his songwriting in a way that makes it clear that he's thought really deeply about how to get these concepts across in the album. it's really really obvious that a lot of heart and effort went into it, and also the promo leading up to it has been insane??? like i'm ngl this is the biggest i've seen sm go out for a solo artist... mark is their baby fr. when i listen to too much, i think so much abt how loved mark is bc he is so so so so loved... and IT SHOWS w this album and the promo, including his members wearing his shirt and surprising him w a listening party. insane! at first 1999 didn't rly speak to me bc i didn't think the falsetto was executed in a way i liked, but after listening to the album through a few times, i think it does actually work well. my favs are def journey mercies (and hey, this tidbit just makes it better), watching tv (the harmonizations w crush sound heavenly), righteous, and too much. i also quite like flight to NYC! and the intro feels like a rly strong and appropriate intro (thinking of enha and lessera's intro tracks... not all are bad but. haha) but omg when i was listening to it on a walk i was unable to differentiate the outside park sounds in the song from the outside sounds i was actually hearing irl lol. also for mom's interlude — the piano is GORGEOUS. his mom is an amazing player. also she sounds so much like a mom hahahaa thinking abt this bc i recently saw a clip from the 127 hulu doc again and haechan's mom does NOT sound like a mom hahaha. anyway! love this! my enthusiasm for music has returned!

weak hero class 1: season 1, ep. 8 BOY DO I HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS. i initially started this bc i heard it was gay af and i like jihoon. it was indeed gay af and jihoon was SOOOOOOOOOO freaking good it's INSANE in it BUT... oh my god i did not know what i was signing up for when i started this LOLL it was kind of tough to get through! not bc it wasn't good — it was great! but... BAD THINGS KEPT HAPPENING LOL. i would finish an ep and be like phew that was heavy i need some time to decompress omg the adrenaline spikes this show probably caused in my body due to these ppl constantly almost dying! i have never wanted to dig up every bad word i knew before this show... but fucking yeongbin had me making shit up just to curse him out my GOD! i don't condone violence unless it's against HIM! AND ON THAT NOTE. i didn't know it would be so violent LOL in a way it made me think of when i was watching novocaine; like logically realistically in that situation, this normal ass person would probably NOT k!ll (or in weak hero's case, almost kill) this person, but bc the highlight of this media is the gore and the fighting, these unrealistic things will happen. it took me a while to wrap my head around that LOL i was like WHY ARE YOU BEATING HIM UP IN A CLASSROOM?????? IN FRONT OF EVERYONE INCLUDING THE TEACHER?????? but i get it now lol and indeed the fighting was SUPER cool and i'm so so curious abt how much choi hyunwook and jihoon had to train for this show bc??? they were so good? the fight choreography was also so excellent like all the fights were rly satisfying albeit sickening lol.
there were TWO moments i think where the logic didn't rly make sense to me re: beating ppl up. 1) when seokdae goes back to gilsu and gilsu is all mad that seokdae is beat up and breaks his arm + goes after sieun and his friends... idgi??? what does it matter to gilsu if he's beat up lol i mean i guess he was mad that seokdae was doing other shit on gilsu's dime?? is that it? bc he was hurt but def still able to do his work vs after gilsu beat him up he def was not able to do his work lmao I DON'T GET THAT PART. like gilsu had no stake to get involved lol. 2) what exactly did sieun's rampage at the end have to do w the national assemblymember guy and why did he "do sieun a favor" by letting him just transfer schools? is it bc sieun technically made the news of what happened to suho more obvious / harder to cover up? OH WAIT or is it the national assemblymember HELPING sieun not get in trouble for his rampage IN EXCHANGE FOR keeping quiet abt suho??? look at me processing in real time...
ALSO YEONGI.... i loved her and thank god there was a woman on this show LOLOL tho now that she's outie, will there officially be no women in the second season? lol. ANYWAY SO BEOMSEOK... totally can see him crushing on suho and that crush turning toxic once he realizes that suho kind of treats everyone that way and that he's not special. THAT BEING SAID. why would he have not been jealous of sieun more then??? suho and sieun def had a special bond but suddenly it's yeongi who supposedly came between them? lol. kind of emphasizes this tumblr post's point that beomseok never really cared about / saw sieun in the same way that sieun did. even at the start of the last ep, beomseok just leaves sieun bc suho leaves? idk his excuse sounded fake. anyway i have so much trouble understanding irredeemable characters like yeongbin lol like damn you are still not letting it go after sieun almost k!lled you?? get a fucking life! beomseok too to an extent like DAMN truly the consequences of the LETHAL combo of lack of a frontal lobe + huge male egos. also it was so funny how much swearing i heard in this drama vs all the other dramas i watched haha i was like aah this drama is truly for Boys and truly embraces Boy Speak. learned so much abt swearing in korean!
HMMM this is totally stream of consciousness at this point LOL but i'm sad it was only 8 ep bc i think it could have done w some more fun scenes of them bonding to rly hammer home their connection — suho and sieun especially. i mean i think their connection WAS clear but i would have loved more bc if i think too hard i'm like damn you're jumping to almost k!lling other ppl for each other whoaaaaa i mean i don't have a problem w it from a shipper lens LOL but from a logical storyline perspective... then again as we have previously established this show / story does not necessarily favor logical sequences of events haha. I ALSO WISH WE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN MORE OF SUHO'S BACK STORY. we did get a bit of sieun's (AND POOR BABY SIEUN i'm also like why did he always get hurt as a kid? is it bc he was bullied all the time? or bc he was just prone to getting hurt...??) as well as some of beomseok's re: him being adopted, but we don't know THAT much abt suho. he never even actually confirmed if he rly was training for MMA in the past... but i guess at some point it was obvious LOL.
ok barely making sense at this point so i should wrap it up soon BUT ONE LAST THING I WANNA TOUCH ON is sieun's transformation throughout the series! i feel like i never really saw him as weak, which is why the title never made sense to me haha he wasn't weak, just reserved and disciplined, and when yeongbin pushes him past his limit, he's fully capable of taking care of himself. i guess how i see it is that he needed suho back then to guide him / rein him in in a way, and then later on w gilsu, he needed suho to rly succeed bc even tho he was smart and capable, he wasn't strong enough on his own. then at the end, when he is able to defeat every person who wronged him and suho, he is able to do it FOR suho / BECAUSE OF suho as well as without suho. he no longer needs him i guess... WHICH BREAKS MY HEART. I FIND IT SO HARD TO LIVE W THIS ENDING like it's really good... BUT IT HURTS ME BC I NEED MORE CLOSURE. there is this rly excellent thread on twitter abt the parallels betw weak hero and demian and i can totally see it all. it esp hits the part abt "becoming one," like sieun now has taken on suho's role... his qualities... in his place TTTTTTTT ngl at first i was wondering wtf these narrative arcs were lol felt very episodic, but bc of these cyclical aspects of the story it rly came together in the end... in a way that fucking HURTS. suho being bullied again at the end but this time he's not going to WAIT until this bully goes too far (at least we don't think he will)! wow. what a show. s2 in like 2 weeks!

the pitt: season 1, ep. 15 THE PITT!!!!! i love this show so so much... i understand it might not be the BEST show ever - like there are def flaws (read: cringe / cliche) in its execution hahah and some of the acting is slightly off lol BUT!!! wow the characters are so fully fleshed and they really do their best to hit on so many great and important things! i was so surprised when they even managed to fit the MEASLES in in the last few episodes, as well as ppl who are like antivax, anti masking, etc etc and the mass shooting??? DAMN they really managed to tell so much. the show moves fast and switches tones quickly, but that's in part bc that's exactly what being in an er is like... you barely have enough time to even fully process what you're doing throughout the whole day. I LOVE ALL THE LADIES SM i looooved dr collins pretty early on bc she was just so caring... i forget which specific episode i'm thinking of but! i also am so sorry to santos lol i love her now that i understand more of who she is as a person - someone who has been hurt and is just blunt but ultimately cares so much abt the patients and knows so much. i really like her confidence and her determination to doing things a certain way! and LOL loved her and whitaker at the end lmaoooo so funny. i am kinda like. where tf is this abbott / mohan ship coming from lol not opposed!!! hopefully ppl are not shipping it for misogynist reasons or anything! i am on board in a not mainstream kind of way! but i'm basic af so i think melangdon is where my heart is LOL sorry... i just love a broken ruined man x the lady he doesn't expect to pull him back together but is the only one who is there for him in those broken times lol. love talks of rehab and divorce and building a life back up like ugh that's the most likable version of langdon, not the one on the show HAHA and i'm nervous for how he will be in s2... but for now i am loving the characterizations in fic :)

weak hero class 2: season 1, ep. 6 I am only four episodes in so far (end of may me: false, I am now 6 eps in), but I am having a good time!! I think this season is doing a pretty good job of investing us into new characters... like juntae you are my BABY! and my interest in gotak is growing due to his proficiency w martial arts haha that kick at our first meeting w him... i am looking! i also thought he was chill and cool and clearly rejected groupthink, but somehow he still fell for hyoman's stupid trap lolol maybe he's not supposed to be the sharpest tool in the shed ig. he's a cutie tho! baku is still growing on me, which is surprising bc i liked him a lot in that one fic i read that was like a "what if suho was a part of the union" fic in a way... but ig it's bc he's introduced so late in comparison to the other characters. i also don't know how i feel about rowoon/ryeoun ? did he change is romanization lolll this is my first time seeing him act so! i also... i am so sorry but i am a baek nara stan (as of like, this show lol) bc i think he's taken on cool and interesting roles (including a drag queen apparently?) and also that fight scene against hyoman and his crew was just really cool. sieun is PERFECT as per usual and i'm glad they still managed to incorporate suho somehow through sieun's texts to him bc it feels weird to move on that quickly esp with how much suho shaped sieun and the first season. this season started with a catcher in the rye quote... wonder what that relevance will be, esp considering the significance of the opening quote last season.
last season, the director/writers were unafraid to really diverge and create their own story for the show, and i wonder how much that will happen here, esp since these characters and these parts of the story tie much more closely to the webtoon story... from what i see so far, it has fallen into the typical conundrum of like, webtoon fans being unsatisfied w changed and then drama fans being unsatisfied lol truly can't please anyone. BUT i will have to watch more myself to find out! on my list next now that i've finished the pitt!

when i fly towards you: season 1, ep. 7 thought i already wrote about this one, but apparently not LMAO i started this because i became interested in zhang miaoyi after watching her in the first frost! i realized p quickly that this is adapted from a webnovel written by the same author behind hidden love and first frost as well hahah she def has certain things she likes, including childhood friends to lovers + ppl having obsessive crushes. at least those crushes are cute in the fictional setting + the person being crushed on finds it cute lolol i also think zhou yiran is a cutie so i was interested in this! i stopped bc... i had to finish the pitt and weak hero lmaooo but i'll return to this soon enough. i'm curious if this show will exit the high school phase. i really disliked the middle school / high school era of hidden love and loved first frost partially because it focused on the time after high school haha so i'm hoping it will and i'm hoping it will do so soon. there are some moments where there are really awkward misunderstandings that hurt me lol i almost gave up on the first episode bc of the zhang lurang / gu ran mix up, and in the latest episodes, gu ran thinks jiang jia has some like life threatening illness or something bc of some overheard convo between jiang jia and his dad, so i am cringingggggg lol anyway! all i can say is let's see!

webtoons / manga / manhwa / manhua

tears on a withered flower: korean, ongoing, ch. 46 still reading!

trashy situation: korean, ongoing, ch. 37 still reading!

scent and sensibility: korean, ongoing, ch. 45 (?) was craving an abo story lmaooo so i went with this one... I THOUGHT IT WAS DONE... ugh lol still it was super enjoyable! the art was so cute, esp the chibi art hehehehe and ngl i kinda liked the full lips look? i like that both dobin and taeoh are dominant, so they are (relatively) unaffected by each other and don't really act 100% like omegas and/or alphas do. taeoh is down BAAAAADDD which i LOVE obvi hahaha and i thought the story was getting SO interesting w taeoh finally finding out dobin was his pheremone therapist + taeoh starting to release flirting pheromones around dobin that make it so he's unable to control himself WHICH HE DOESN'T WANT bc he thinks taeoh hates clingy omegas but what he doesn't know is that taeoh doesn't mind if it's HIMMM but then i got to the latest update >:( this is why i don't like reading ongoing works LOLOL alas! taeoh's bro is also really cool and attractive and i am intrigued to learn more about him, as well!

itsuka, kazoku ni naru made: japanese, complete, ch. 6.5 aaaand i was craving a story w kids lol. looooove haruomi he's sooooooo cuuuuuuute waaaaaaah TT TT the story was super sweet and cute, tho def suffers from the conflict only lasting like a few panels bc it's only one vol... with hitsuji no kawa wo kita kemono (monster in sheep's clothing), you can tell the story just instantly opens up and becomes so much deeper once it got the green light for the second volume... ANYWAY. this story hit the spot just right and omg icb some ppl were left without an update after takaomi stuck in a freezer for almost a full year before the next update lolol. the art is really cute and aaahhh i really felt for takaomi during that bit where he reflects on his wife passing away and that holding him back from opening himself up again in case that person disappears again :((((((( i rather liked how persistent nomura was just because i think that's what takaomi needed? otherwise i think he would have remained on his own bc it was comfortable. tho i do think being jealous of takaomi's dead wife was a little out of line hahaha but overall such a joy!

udagawachou de mattete yo: japanese, complete, ch. 6.5 okay i looooooved this and i think it managed to accomplish a lot in just six chapters actually... loved it! love the gradual realization and acceptance and yashiro goes that he actually likes momose calling him cute. like how momose is a little weirded out at first, but then kinda confidently embraces his attraction (or at least seemingly does in yashiro's eyes), and love how the first time is actually not good bc they don't know what they're doing but they figure it out!!!! love how many outfits yashiro gets to try on!!! love the size difference! this author is quite good at making every little moment feel natural but also say so much abt the characters — like the music cd and the fact that yashiro took the initiative to try to listen to it just bc he was trying to understand momose better. just overall v sweet and actually p realistic (or at least not as sparkly as many shoujo manga are haha) and reminded me of my beautiful man, tho momose is less of a fucking weirdo LOLLLL.

hitsuji no kawa wo kita kemono (monster in sheep's clothing): japanese, ongoing, ch. 13 OH GOD. I LOVE THIS. I LOVE THEM. ooooh they are so broken omg tatsumi listening to those regulars at the bar talk abt DEPENDENCE vs RELATIONSHIP omg DEF not the author trying to say something abt their relationship DEF not... and daichi looking up why people give hickeys and finding out it's bc of POSSESSIVENESS and/or OBSESSIVENESS... sure tatsumi says almost nothing affectionate but his actions speak SO DAMN LOUD and he is TERRIFIED of daichi leaving him, not realizing that daichi is EQUALLY TERRIFIED tho for slightly more convoluted reasons (bc he thinks his family will abandon him once they learn he is dating tatsumi and then tatsumi will feel guilty and leave him LOL) and also like. all this bad stuff tatsumi is getting involved in bc of that orphanage friend... IDK IF HE REALIZES DAICHI DOESN'T CARE IF HE GETS INVOLVED IN BAD STUFF OR NOT AS LONG AS HE'S OKAY... anyway they are so sweet and wholesome and trying so so hard to be better people because of each other to be loved is to be changed etc etc etc WAAAAAAHHH tatsumi just keeps changing to try to become the person he thinks daichi would love... the person he thinks daichi deserves / would be proud of........ WOW. there were really fascinating little inklings at deeper considerations of their relationship, like the bit about dependence, that we simply would not have gotten to explore if it had truly ended w the first volume, so thank god there is more even tho these updates come slow af oh and also i love how supportive ppl seem to be of their relationship (like the parole officer and the nurses in the hospital) and how the bacchus bar doesn't discriminate in hiring based on criminal background and gives ppl a second change at life in that way! i felt A LOT of feelings reading this (no crying bc antidepressants but my face got hot) so i hope... things don't go too far downhill...

toumei na ai no utsuwa: japanese, complete, ch. 6.5 LOOOOOOOVED THIS. i had started it a while ago but got frustrated bc i thought the pages were cut off on the site i was reading... turns out i was just zoomed tf in LOL. i mean also, in the first chapter the characters' relationship is soooo awkward LOLL but it grows so much just bc shiro grows to see how beautiful miki is as a person — like, the ways he embodies all the aspects of humanity that shiro loves. shiro doesn't need to go outside and observe people anymore because he has miki to observe!!!!! wow this author truly packed so much into six chapters i felt A LOT (once again no crying bc antidepressants but i felt like i rly could). in the author's note when the author talks abt how they were going through grief bc their cat just passed away, and they thought how lucky miki and shiro were that shiro was able to open his eyes again...... and omg the explanation for the kanji in miki's name... 美記 as in "one with whom to share the chronicle of a beautiful life" AAHHHHH SO BEAUTIFUL WHAT IF I DIEDDDDDD i love explanations about little details like this........ wow they really love each other so deeply i hope they are happy forever!!!!

yes, no, or maybe?: japanese, ongoing, end of vol. 2 LOOOOOVED THIS SOOO MUUUUUCH omg i love how kei has like two different personalities like work persona and home persona haha tbh i don't think it's a big deal that he does? and isn't it natural that everyone does to some extent? (which he kind of touches on later when it comes to that sports guy, minigawa, when he realizes he has a life that kei knows nothing about as well). i also didn't think he was actually that rude or abrasive LMAO maybe it's bc i live in america... but he clearly had a good heart and a strong conscience, but just had a blunt way of phrasing things. love how tsuzuki was able to see all of that, maybe partially because he got to know both sides separately and got to grow to like them separately. i love the little aliens... and how the little alien has a friend now... CRY. i wanna read more so badly! i was also intrigued by the hint that perhaps kei's mom also has a rough personality, but she has kei's father to rely on... CAN RELATE bc my mom is that way too lmfaooo and i like how the stress of the evening anchor position pushed kei to realize he didn't have anyone to rely on like that who he could be his full self to and reveal his true worries to... everyone needs that kind of person! and it helped kei finally admit that he really needed and liked tsuzuki! where i left off, they're going through a jealous arc rn haha i wanna read the light novels next since the next manga volume doesn't come out until nov!

semantic error: korean, complete, ch. 67 LOOOOVE but i'm reading this so freaking slowly lol reading in spurts... read up to like 18 or something a few months back, and now i've read up to like 60 or something but i took another break, probably bc i was writing something and had a deadline i was trying to meet as per usual, and now i struggle to pick it back up again. but anyway sangwoo is definitely autistic... my autistic king... and i am realizing (i think i already knew but now i am more actively seeking) stories where there's some guy who is just like rly obsessive and generally just down extremely bad for someone who is kinda oblivious lolol the number of times sangwoo was like "i'll just find some other guy to satisfy my sexual urges w" and jaeyoung is like UGHHH lol also the way jaeyoung acted so crazy confronting jihye about her crush on sangwoo was also hilarious lmaooo her being like "icb ppl think this guy is chill???" and him being like "i can't believe i acted like that to someone who was basically in elementary school when i was in high school??? i like both the drama and the webtoon adaptations so far and i think both offer different things :) waiting for sangwoo to realize... WAITING... WHAT WILL IT TAKE FOR HIM TO REALIZE... (end of may me: can you believe it. i still haven't finished)

also tried to read payback and daytime star... will get around to finishing them eventually lol

movies

canceled my a-list and am v happy that i am now going to a bunch of random events at small indie theatres all the time! started an alamo season past and tbh i was like holy shit this theatre is ran through LMAO so we'll see how long this lasts lol but i do think there are a few movies coming up that i'm excited abt, so i might as well just keep it for now! anyway, as always, my reviews are here.

books

i usually log my books on literal! but here are some midway thoughts for books i haven't / won't finish:

doppleganger by naomi klein might drop this bc she went on this weird tangent abt how ppl shouldn't be called horrible awful things for saying one thing wrong etc which is technically true but still felt slightly like an excuse? i felt uncomfortable hearing it from a white person who didn't acknowledge the possible hurt ppl might be going through bc of "one little incident" (i am super paraphrasing but way too lazy to actually go back and look at what she said rn lol i'll do it later)

nothing serious by emily j. smith i finished this and logged that i finished it on literal, but unfortunately i just didn't write a review bc of who i am as a person lol BUT. overall i enjoyed this! i thought there were some bits abt how women are treated in comparison to men that still made me jump up and go YES EXACTLY! the one thing i couldn't really get past was, after edie propositioned peter and realized she didn't want him anymore / his charm had kind of worn off, i was surprised by how much she still waffled back and forth abt whether or not he was innocent / whether or not he deserved her sympathy. i guess perhaps this back and forth behavior could have been motivated by how long she knew peter, but that wasn't really clarified in the book, and it just made me double take to have her be like "peter is so egotistical" and then still be more interested in helping him on the witness stand than leah. still, an interesting read that def kept me entertained on quite a few long bus rides now that i'm commuting again!

human acts by han kang i've been reading this veeeeery slowly, which i think is the point / the way this book is supposed to be consumed haha i find if i listen to too many chapters at once, i start getting desensitized to what i'm listening to (also yes i am consuming on audiobook, which is probs not the best decision bc i want to see the way the words are laid out on the page... and also bc it def means i'm not taking in all the words i should be rn). so far i enjoyed the prisoner chapter and eunsook's chapter the most. i thought the prisoner's chapter was the most biting, as he's essentially criticizing this academic who is interviewing him for viewing the violent acts as research as opposed to impacting these real lives. we also got the title drop in this chapter. i thought both of those chapters were the most political, as well, since eunsook's directly mentions censorship. dongho's story is also a really powerful way to set up the story in the very beginning, particularly since how he felt is likely how many people felt — guilty for not doing enough, but also what could they have possibly done in that situation to not end up dead — or worse, as the prisoner's story tells us. i liked the way eunsook's efforts to forget the slaps mirror the efforts to forget the horrors these citizens have experienced; felt like a phantom pain long after the scars have faded, and forever a fixture in the mind they will be unable to forget. it is still pessimistic, as i am learning is han kang's way, but i think because this time, the violence she is describing is tied to real historical events, it feels more important and more necessary than the violence she described in the vegetarian, which felt more superfluous / more of a conscious choice to show a woman descend into misery. i'm over halfway through, so i'm sure i'll finish by this weekend or something. (end of may me: i finished this!)

the pucking wrong number + the pucking wrong guy by c.r. jane i really liked the premise of the pucking wrong number, and i got decently far in it i think? but i felt like monroe was given like the most tragic backstory ever to make her seem more down to earth lol and she has like so many random gross men hitting on her but like... hello girl do you have any lady friends... travel in packs! call each other when in need! i did like bill? i think his name was? the guy who first helped her when she first moved to dallas, and the fact that he still helps her even after she's settled down a bit more :') lincoln was fine lol i did like how protective he was of monroe, but i also feel like a lot of his attraction was just based on how she looked. not my fav lol i need something like bet me by jennifer crusie where they start off thinking kind of negatively of each other but then grow interested in each other's personality until they CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT EACH OTHER... maybe i just need to read another jennifer crusie book lmfaooo. anyway i don't like blondes haha and i really didn't find it believable that he would shirk his job as a hockey player just for some girl. idk what author knows about professional athletes but i think very very very very few of them, esp those who are ranked v high, would be quite so blase about brushing off his job.
IN THE SAME VEIN, i felt the same way abt ari in the pucking wrong guy. CHANGING YOUR WHOLE ASS TEAM FOR A GIRL???? and esp a team full of ppl you don't even LIKE... never lol absolutely never heard of a professional athlete who would do that. blake again seemed like someone who was just given the most tragic backstory ever, but she felt less relatable than monroe. also this author clearly has a thing for green eyes lol and these guys just sound like the same personality... cocky as hellllll. i thought ari would be funnier bc of his little bits in the pucking wrong number, but alas i was wrong! so i stopped reading this one pretty early on as opposed to the pucking wrong number.

ruthless creatures by j.t. geissinger hmmm i actually really liked this at first, in part because i really loved sloane and nat's dynamic, where they are rly there for each other but also know how to joke around in a really funny way. i also thought nat's despair was really believable, and i was curious about what happened with david. i also thought kage was mysterious enough to be interesting, so i thought there might be more of a push-and-pull there, esp since he starts off very cold toward nat. however, he comes back and says he's all in for nat, and though i DO like that he is very honest about what he feels and what he wants, and though i thought that was cute, they then basically just have sex lol i have once again lost interest the second a book becomes too sex-focused sigh. i do think there are more twists and plot points to uncover, esp re: david, but ugh thinking about having to slog through boring ass sex scenes makes me tired. i even thought they had good / hot chemistry until they actually got together

HAPPY MARCH! my energy levels are super low i think bc of accutane lol so everything is a struggle and there is so much going on and also so much work to do but we'll get through... maybe after march 16 i'll feel more normal lol anyway as always, this is a work in progress and will be updated as i watch/read/whatever more things throughout the month!

edit: after march 16 i did not feel normal LOL had my first breast biopsy, hosted friends for NCT 127 concert, saw the thing w john carpenter and bong joonho moderating, could not get myself to write for s*oulbeats for the LIFE of me... oh the epic highs and lows of ~~football~~ life!

tv

the pitt: season 1, ep 9 still watching this show! still loving it! ep 8 was really heavy and a little hard to watch ngl bc a lot around death. ep 9 was also a big one, and we were left on a rather big cliffhanger. so far i think i like dr. collins and dr. mohan best :) and i also like dr. king! tho i'm so curious where her story is going... is she going to develop a crush on dr. langdon :((((( we'll see soon enough!

the first frost: c-drama, ep. 17 i didn't realize it until like halfway through ep 1 lol but this is actually a spinoff / companion story to hidden love, and so far i LOOOOOOOVE it way more than hidden love LMAOOOO not that hidden love was Bad... but you only have to scroll down a few posts to see how i felt abt it HAHAHA i think this one has way more tropes that i love (namely, man is down so bad lol and second chance romance af aka my bread and butter) and also the story is focused on wen yifan and sang yan when they are already older, and their high school romance is just shown in little flashback sequences. i'm CRYING the way there are so many bogus ass men who are interested in wen yifan but sang yan is like, the only one who actually understands what she needs AS WELL AS HOW SHE IS AS A PERSON so like sure she'll need help and sure xiang lang can be like "you can rely on me" but sang yan will GET HER to rely on him by creating Situations (like making too much porridge and being like pls help me eat it... or being like "i like the smaller room better so i wanna use the smaller room and you should use the bigger room" and just be there helping her so silently... like googling sleepwalking and COVERING ALL THE CORNERS OF THE WALLS / FURNITURE IN THE APARTMENT SO THAT SHE WON'T HURT HERSELF WHILE SLEEPWALKING. i'm. i'm going to die. he's perfect. i am fully converted to bai jingtingism i'm so sorry to chen zheyuan and ding yuxi (although i still like ding yuxi but bai jingting is like 1000% my type rn SORRY) and at first i was like. it's weird that you all recast sang yan and sang zhi and duan jiaxu. but also BAI JINGTING. so i'm ok with it. lol. i think this drama is more realistic than hidden love in that duan jiaxu was for sure in so much debt but then suddenly was able to provide so much for sang zhi??? but sang yan IS rich and HAS BEEN rich so it makes sense that he can provide for wen yifan lol BUT. i think the side romances are a little underdeveloped... like we're basically just told that zhong siqiao has a crush on xiang lang, but i was never really convinced that she liked him / was heartbroken by his rejection? which also SUCKED by the way he could have still lied abt the bracelet like it was clearly special to her BROOO... also xiang lang in general is such a flat character like he's so useless and meaningless. i did like zhong siqiao and su haoan's budding romance and was excited abt it, but again i feel like it's slightly underdeveloped... i like that zsq continues to support sha and his family BUT i think there could be SLIGHTLY MORE romanticism between them bc rn it just seems like they're becoming rly good friends. ALSO mu chengyun you are ANNOYING.

when life gives you tangerines: ep 3 really loving this so far! i love how historically relevant it is, even down to little details like outfits and chopsticks (this is an example, i've already forgotten what the rly relevant details were lmao oops). macarthur mention + olympics mention + korean historical uprisings etc it's really cool to weave all of those together w this story they are telling! that being said, i'm really not sure what this story they are telling will be lol bc so far we're already on ep 3 and iu is already married to park bogum and they alr have a kid together... seems the show is from the perspective of aesun's daughter, and seems like park bogum honestly won't be in it much...? iu def moreso bc she plays geummyeong as well. i think it's relevant that the first word we hear our mc (geummyeong, not aesun... who is the mc... hell if i know) actually speak is "eomma," so i think this will be a story centered on generations of women and the hopes and dreams they pass down to each other, but we will see. i saw this thread that i thought was interesting on twitter and will reassess how i feel abt it when i get to that episode! also this tweet... many tweets in fact haha i want to know more!

adolescence: ep 4 was number one on netflix and i was mildly interested and it was only four episodes, so i gave it a chance since it wouldn't distract me TOO much from what i was SUPPOSED to be doing l o l. each episode is all one take, which is extremely impressive, and the acting is super top notch — in particular jamie (played by owen cooper) and briony (played by erin doherty). the first ep focuses on jamie being arrested and the process of questioning him to find out how guilty he is of the crime he has been accused of. the entire episode is filmed for us to have pity on this young boy who is being treated like a criminal, only for the reveal to happen at the end that he truly undeniably did the crime. FIRST OFF, damn lawyers (or solicitors) in the UK are ASS... or maybe it's the point that he was given a free solicitor and as a result he was ass at his job? lmao. told him to say no comment to anything that was sus and didn't even ask him to find out whether or not he really did it...? i feel like i knew he really did it just because the trailer gave some indications of such.
ep 2 was fascinating but the weakest imo just in its execution — felt a little bit too much like an adult looking at a school / school kids instead of actually from kids' perspectives, and i think it would have been far more interesting to focus on the kids' perspectives. the beginning has jamie's two friends talking about how they've been questioned... would have been fascinating to actually follow them for the whole ep, or to hear a lot more from them and their perception of jamie / the social situation at school instead of seeing it through the eyes of an adult lol. the scene w adam, the detective's son, explaining to him the emojis rly feels like those news programs that explain texting lingo to parents lmao "lol means laugh out loud" etc etc... treats both the adults and the kids as dumb haha. also jade and her character was interesting, but not enough was done with her to really flesh out the impact of katie's absence. they tried to shove so much characterization for her into like two small scenes, dropping that she has a troubled home and that katie's death is causing her to lash out w anger (friend pointed out they relied too much on the angry Black woman trope and i see it), but like... imo that stuff was not relevant to what they actually want to convey, which is the problem of a growing conservative male population and their impact on the people around them. in that way, i think they chose the wrong characteristics to highlight for jade to make jade's scenes really impactful for the story. ngl i would have taken a full episode on jade as well as katie's family. also, was katie cool? like we hear that from jamie's perspective, he and his friends are losers. is this even true? was katie a threat to them bc she was popular and therefore what she thought of them carried significant weight? also when the detective is like "omg so katie was bullying jamie!" when he found out that she was calling him an incel... i was like is that rly bullying lol. is that bad of me. if it's a fact it's a fact. the adam storyline was also kind of hastily wrapped up lol and i didn't know that the next episode would switch perspectives. i would have liked for each episode to switch perspectives so we could see more sides of the impact of the crime.
ep 3 is the absolute stand out of the series to me, next to ep 1 (ep 3 is on top tho). unlike the other episodes, this one primarily takes place in one room as psychologist briony ariston, who is one of two psychologists assessing whether or not jamie is mentally sound — basically if he understands what exactly he did and whether or not it was a crime. the way jamie flips back and forth between confident and insidious and anxious and pitiful is absolutely fascinating to watch, especially since both emotions likely do live within him. he mentions thinking himself ugly, and it becomes clear that his actions are primarily focused on validation or a lack thereof — including from his father, who invalidated his masculinity bc jamie is not good at sports. that def might have led to jamie seeking other ways to prove his masculinity, and katie denied him that as well. absolutely insane the little ways he slips up in the interview and the ways he becomes desperate when he realizes briony has come to her decision about his mental soundness. his desperation in asking her whether or not she liked him... truly emphasizes the validation and likability he is constantly seeking. also i am now obsessed w erin doherty she was OUTSTANDING in all the little ways she conveyed how she was really feeling despite her need to remain composed and professional throughout the interview. the way she pivoted her questions based on jamie's behavior — THE WAY WOMEN HAVE TO CONSTANTLY SHAPE AND CONTROL THEIR EMOTIONS BASED ON THE MEN AROUND THEM... and the way jamie deliberately tried to scare her OH YOU EVIL LITTLE SHIT. when she kind of lets the tears flow at the end but still quickly composes herself... the amount of control she has over herself is in stark contrast to the lack of control jamie has over himself. also the contrast between the beginning of their interview, in which their banter is friendly and... dare i say... borderline flirtatious... to the end is DRASTIC. absolutely fantastically constructed episode, in part due to the skill of owen cooper and erin doherty!!
ep 4... this one focuses on jamie's family, particularly his dad. this shows that jamie came from a loving, relatively normal family, so honestly who tf knows what happened to him (probably the internet). the word "nonce" (misspelled) is written on his dad's van on the morning of his bday, so even though he woke up happy, this completely ruins his day. i didn't realize it in the moment bc i didn't know what that word meant LOL but basically it seems like ppl are blaming him and how he raised jamie (or failed to raise jamie) for what jamie did. i've been reading the ways some ppl have interpreted this episode, and i don't necessarily see it? i do see that his dad has emotional / rage issues, but it might also be in part bc he is dealing with extreme stress. i do absolutely acknowledge that you can still see the ways that the women in the family moderate the emotions in the house, trying to calm him down and trying to find solutions that will satisfy him... but also it's his birthday hahaha i would do that for someone on their bday too! so in that sense i don't necessarily see that these things drove jamie down the path to incelism lol. it does show that his behavior mirrors his father, but his father didn't k!ll anyone lol and also based on the story his mom told in the car about the song "take on me," seems like he was able to take bullying in much better stride than jamie. in that sense... is this episode trying to say that jamie's time on the internet is the true catalyst? there is a long bit about parenting, and making someone evil vs someone who is not evil (lisa!), and acknowledging they could have done more... i'm not a parent so i can't read too deeply into that lol it did not REALLY resonate w me as a result lol BUT are the writers saying the parents should have intervened on his internet time? def should have validated him more... idk! what do i know! i think the themes of this episode kind of got lost on me as a result bc it felt like there were too many things it was trying to say / too many themes it was trying to hit. there is a common theme that jamie chose his father as his appropriate adult instead of his mother... to some extent i think it is because he believes his father will understand better what he did and will validate his feelings that led to the crime, vs he knows his mom will be shocked and disappointed. i think jamie thinks his father would understand his mindset more — but in fact, his father doesn't. that's why i think it's weird that so many ppl are kind of just blaming the dad lol i don't think he's THAT bad? but maybe my standards are fucked. either way i think it would be more interesting to me if the episode focused more on the online spaces jamie is in or something like that... took the story bigger picture. but what do i know! not my tv series hahaha. also just pointing out that the kid who spray painted jamie's dad's van seems to be the same kid who shared katie's topless pics with everyone... seems like there's a lot of stuff that still needs to be unpacked re: the larger systemic implications of jamie's behavior. again, that's just me tho!

webtoons / manga / manhwa / manhua

tears on a withered flower: korean, ongoing, ch. 46 still reading! so satisfying to see the little ways haesoo's life is changing for the better in that she doesn't feel as bad actually buying things for herself... the fuzzy socks! mincheol wondering why haesoo hasn't contacted him yet MAYBE BC SHE HAS A LIFE NOW THAT SHE'S FREE FROM YOUR FUCKING SHACKLES. YOU WERE JUST THE ROCK SHE WAS TIED TO THAT WAS DRAGGING HER DOWN. i totally totally get haesoo's POV where she's like... i thought this relationship from my youth would be forever and now look at it --> ppl will inevitably change and let you down in relationships so i can't rely on / depend on this with taeha; this will never be the perfect dream i want it to be so i will just enjoy it while it lasts. like. she's only known mincheol and has seen how that has played out, so it makes perfect sense that she expects this w taeha as well, esp since he is younger than her... glad to see that she is less resistant than she was previously, but worried about how this mindset might impact their relationship in the future. we are also seeing more of taeha's down bad-ness... like before, we were seeing his obsession, but it wasn't clear if it was in a pos or neg light. now we are seeing that he is rather pitiable w his horrible family situation, that haesoo provides perhaps the only realm of his life that is full of love and attention and care, and that's why he craves her attention so much. it makes him slightly more puppy dog like hahaha i'm rly looking forward to finding out more of his bg and finding out what draws him to haesoo. much speculation that she must have shown him kindness one time offhandedly and he clung to that bc of his terrible life, and i can def see that. thought the latest chapters were super cute, where haesoo takes the day off and is like "let's do whatever you want!" and they do a bunch of stuff together and at the end taeha is like "what if i have more stuff i want to do.. the list is endless..." and haesoo is like well i guess you will just have to keep finding me for next time again and again AWW. anyway yes. still loving this haha along w the essays ppl are writing in the comments!

trashy situation: korean, ongoing, ch. 37 still reading! recently found out that ppl are HATING on eungyo in the comments bc they're baffled at how so many ppl are in love w her + think she's a boring / useless character??? ummm. i am guilty of complaining abt the number of ppl in love w her, as seen in my previous entries l o l BUT i don't think it's a reflection on HER i think it's a reflection on the writer / writing??? omg i truly forgot how much other ppl hate women lol and i don't think she's boring per se... i can relate to her being in a slump and just trying to have a fun good time. i think she's a sharp person who was just taken down by her former relationship... who among us hasn't been where she is? maybe the 18-22yos who have been untouched by the troubles of life who are reading this lmaoo. anyway the most recent chapters had a pretty steamy snu snu scene that i was still thinking about and comparing other media to (looking at you flowers are bait hahaha) so! still a pos to me! and also i think the artist draws boobs rly nicely lol not unrealistic, still super attractive. i approve!

it's just a dream... right?: korean, complete, ch. 77 WAAAAAHHHHH what a lovely story!! love love loved this so much! the art is fabulous — my dear ibeom is so so so cutieful and the anatomy during intimate scenes seems really dynamic and effortless and detailed; like, this is an experienced artist we have on our hands! i'm obsessed w the fact that this artist was just like... how can i put this couple in a situation where i can draw them in historic korean outfits? and they did that and SO MUCH MORE... looooved how there were so many fun and interesting and unique intimate situations these two were put in hahaha my fav was def the 6 jungohs vs 1 ibeom. the miscommunication trope def sucks haha but thankfully the story isn't that long, so the misunderstandings weren't drawn out TOO long. i adored the chapter where ibeom goes running to grandma and has to confess to her and his parents that he is romantically involved w jungoh LOL his parents are so great :')))))) i thought the seeds for the nightmare seedling escaping were planted v well and v subtly; i'm not sure if i would have picked up on it all if i wasn't reading it all straight for 2 days lmao and i like memory-related things so i enjoyed that part too HAHA even tho it's such an overused trope... i still love it :D the author mentioned in a midway author's note that they really wanted to focus on keeping the story balanced, and i think it rly is an excellent balance betw plot and romance. all the dreams were really interesting, and i didn't feel like anything dragged out too long :) i def want to check out this artist's other works!

netkama punch!!: korean, complete, ch. 80 i enjoyed this! i love dynamics w two ppl in a relationship where they don't naturally like each other... where it's a bit of a struggle but it's worth it in the end... these two are so interesting bc they were drawn to each other bc of their fears of abandonment, in a way? like heejae was so afraid of being left after his parents left him, so when seyeong leaves him he's like NO WAY IN HELL AM I ACTUALLY ALLOWING THIS. and for seyeong... i actually don't remember how he fears abandonment lol i think it's related to his parents too but... my brain is a sieve these days and i alr forgot lol i think he's just afraid of ppl leaving him in the end after he finally opens up, so he resists heejae for so long :( i empathize so much w both of thei fears! anyway i ate this UP left no crumbs bc i was so obsessed w the concept and constantly wondering what each of them were actually thinking + where their relationship would go haha i was so happy by the end, tho i wish we could have had seen seyeong actually streaming tgt w heejae. i am Me so obvi looooved the parts where seyeong would accidentally speak while heejae was streaming or something and ppl would go INSANE in the comments hahah and idk... i liked heejae being possessive... but ppl in the comments kept being like "this man is mentally unwell" lmao "this relationship is toxic" OKAY???? IT'S FICTION??? actually the dynamic reminded me A BIT of a first frost, except there was def more hatred and strife LOL and obvi these two are men (and in that sense i think more strife is acceptable + i prefer the hetero one to be w less strife lol). also i keep writing heejay lmfao. ppl in the comments kept mentioning other manhwa w similar concepts, so i'm gonna check those out too :)

the guild member next door: korean, ongoing, ch. 69? (s2 e19) i read this one bc ppl mentioned it in the comments saying it was similar to netkama punch!! i can see the similarities... and again in general i like the concept! i liked how in this manhwa, there was more of an emphasis on the game, but perhaps there was TOO much of an emphasis? LOLLL it just moved SOOOOO slowly like we don't rly get irl interactions until s2 and s1 is all focused on the game and game dynamics. which is fine! i enjoyed it! but it didn't keep me wanting to know what would happen next. i did really like the idea of yeowoon being so nice that ppl constantly have crushes on him, and i rly wanted to hear more about that backstory and how it has impacted yeowoon, except... it hardly seems to impact him at all LMAO he's still oblivious af which is cute but i would love if that were more of a central part of the story. also the misunderstandings are TOO much imo like at this point jigu still thinking yeowoon is a pervert w weird sex kinks? and yeowoon still thinking jigu likes otome games? (but also the bit of yeowoon being rly bad at that otome game was TOO good haha would have loved more of that) i just think these misunderstandings went on a tad too long for my liking. overall enjoyable for what it was, but i don't think i will be continuing / keeping up!

kiraide isasete: japanese, ongoing, vol. 7 ch. 2 i was originally attracted to this one bc some people have been using a pic of baby minato as a reaction image in the comments of the various bls i've been reading, and i thought the kid looked sooooo cuuuuuute. i ended up starting it this past weekend (today being 3/17 lol) bc i wanted something to read and I THOUGHT THIS WAS COMPLETE... it is NOT....... anyway i obvi don't love the premise but i love kid tropes so i thought i would give it a try... i feel like once you get over the hump of the whole r*ape concept (once murasame ikuya is DEALT WITH) then it's a super sweet slice of life story abt this little family over the course of time, and we see shizuku go from a baby to a preteen w her first crush and we see their family grow with more and more kids and it's SO CUTE AND SO SWEET AND AAAAAAAHHHHHH the art is also v nice (hazuki is HOT) tho i feel like naoto doesn't have a consistent look weirdly enough? also none of the kids rly resemble him except minato w his hair color but that's IT LOLLL poor naoto
semantic error: korean, complete, currently on ch. 20-something lol i don't have my ipad w me was really enjoying this! the art is so pretty omg jaeyoung is a hottie. also sangwoo is autistic af PLEASEEEE. the concept is so up my alley! there were just a bunch of chapters missing on the site i was reading on so i was gonna pay to read it on manta but then i didn't end up doing it bc i knew i couldn't read it right away since i had to WRITE (and then i didn't even end up writing rip)

love for sale: korean, complete, currently on ch. 20-something lol once again i don't have my ipad on me i thought this was cute! the art is really gorgeous and this person clearly knows human anatomy. i'm not SUCKED IN but i am curious to know more about si-eon and his motivations / past re: taking care of others. also i really love namwoo's family dynamic... not that it's a good dynamic LMAOO but that i think it has a lot of potential to be interesting / to hit on tropes i like aka self-sacrifical shit and guilt and feelings of unworthiness hoho. i'm just not sure where the plot is going or whether or not it will go in a direction i like, bc right now it seems like these two are just f*cking lol like will feelings develop... rn i'm so afraid of just reading sm*t (i found out ppl call it snu snu??) with no feelings haha i think i was burned by whatever i was reading last month and dropped lol. we'll see if i continue!

relationship principle: korean, ongoing, ch. 13 really cute! i like a down bad obsessive boy lmfao OBVIOUSLY IN FICTION NOT IN REAL LIFE if this happened irl i would get a restraining order asap BUT in fiction when you know it's w good intentions it's cute and nice. a lot of people hating on mc nayoon for refusing to date seolwoo even tho she likes him... first, i think she doesn't necessarily like him rn but thinks he's attractive and feels obligated / bad for him, less so that she actually likes him. second, ppl NEED to learn to survive on their own i'm not even kidding lol i feel like so many of my friends are truly just jumping straight into relationships right away which is so baffling to me lol but like. you actually do not learn so many things abt yourself / how to take care of yourself if you do that. so imo she makes sense! the art is nice and everyone is pretty, tho sometimes seolwoo looks a little inconsistent lol. also the prologue started off w a s*x scene and it was like. the most boring s*x scene i've ever seen lol so no high hopes there. but cute when i have time and i'm bored!

flowers as bait: korean, ongoing, ch. 20 um. I LOVED THIS SO FREAKING MUCH LOL. i did NOT expect to, esp after reading the synopsis many times and being like "ok this is def not for me" lol but someone mentioned this in the comments for tears of a withered flower (and now WHY are ppl hating on haesoo I JUST. i have holed myself in a corner of the internet that does not hate on FLs for so long that i forgot ppl were like this lol aka internally misogynist HAHA) and i was like um ok i'll just read it and check it out (it's only a few chapters rn and i'm BORED / trying to avoid WRITING / life responsibilities so!). anyway. i freaking loved it lmao after i caught up on the manhwa i immediately went to the internet novel and got to ch. 211 before i stopped my obsessive binge behavior haha. the art is so niiiiice (tho in the later chapters chaewoo is looking a little too dorito for me) and i love the paneling... like the opening truly seems os scary and like a horror manhwa and the panels are drawn so creatively to convey those feelings... also when lee yeon thinks of certain trees to calm down haha. rly loved the way the artist conveyed certain things from the novel, and some ppl are saying this is even better than the novel and so far i am inclined to agree. the novel gets a little messy lmfaooo i am at the part where they've broken up and parted ways but he finds out she's pregnant ripppp once again tho i am so here for the obsessive man in hetero ships and this man is extremely obsessive omg. anyway lee yeon is the flower that is the bait btw. bait for chaewoo! so his brother can control him!!! WHAT is going on w his mother figure tho like did lee yeon turn her in bc she asked her to? or not? why did lee yeon not accept the reward money LMFAO like you already did the bad thing so now... the bad thing is still done and you don't even get anything out of it except a lifetime of guilt LOL. but anyway! the art is nice. i don't think the s*x scenes in the novel really make me feel anything tho haha.

movies

just canceled amc alist so hoping to be able to go to more independent theatres in the coming months! as always, i usually log my thoughts on letterboxd :)

books

i usually log my books on literal! currently reading:

the graham effect by elle kennedy i used to LOOOOVE elle kennedy when i was in my early 20s. i remember from her first hockey romance series, i loved the deal and the score the best :') i downloaded hoopla bc lys told me hoopla would have my beautiful man (and they did!), and i saw they were advertising a new elle kennedy book on the homepage. when i saw she had created a whole new series about a next generation of briar students, and when i saw one of them was about garrett and hannah's CHILD???? i knew i had to read it immediately!!! i loved garrett and hannah and truly reread that book SOOOO many times. anyway. i will say that i have genuinely laughed a couple of times reading this book, but so far i'm like. what chemistry is there between gigi and ryder LOL like why tf do they like each other idgi. ryder barely says anything. he just thinks gigi is physically attractive. i was just thinking of like, what gigi would say to defend ryder to her dad and convince him that ryder's actually a good guy, and i came up w nothing LOL like there's nothing there. also the sex scenes are Bad. i think i need to reread the deal to see if it's just this book that elle kennedy is off her game, or if she's always been off her game and i'm only realizing it now bc i'm older and less stupid LOL. I WILL SAY. i think elle kennedy has Heard the Criticisms bc there is def more hockey talk in this book than in previous books — like we get actual lengthy breakdowns of games! and also i rly like that gigi is a hockey player :))))) BUT. even then i feel like ryder is lowkey sexist LOL. but i'm already halfway through so might as well go the full monty!

shoot your shot by lexi lafleur brown ok well i mostly started this bc i was pretty interested in the description + i heard ppl saying it was Bad but then ppl criticized the ppl saying it was Bad by wondering if we were all just being misogynist. which, valid. i think that assessment is accurate so far bc the book is not bad! it is not the best hockey romance i have ever read but it is FAR from the worst, and i think it actually is quite refreshing to read stories in this genre / subtype that have multiple ppl of color LMAO and also multiple queer people. like thank god now this seems like a real world i would live in HAHA. tbd on how my feelings will change over time; as of now i am ~25% of the way through the book!

scum villain self-saving system vol. 1, 2, and half of 3 by mxtx in case it wasn't obvious from my webtoon reads LOL i was rly craving insanely obsessive romance haha. binghe is more Babygirl than i remembered, specifically toward sqq; obviously i knew he was down bad, but i had forgotten how sparkly crying whiny baby he was abt it LOL thought all the art was just exaggerating for jokes... NOPE. also reading the official translation was def a different experience! i was analyzing the fuck out of the beginning to see how shen yuan dies... NOTHING. and i was able to pick up on more details this time around i think! idk why i didn't put together that shen yuan is constantly sacrificing himself for binghe LMAO he's so competent UNTIL he sees binghe and then it's like well! time to die! anyway i still love these characters so so dearly lol i stopped bc i was supposed to be writing / also my attention span is total shit lol but at least i got to all the good shit HAHAHA abyss... check! huanhua basement/dungeon... check! binghe sleeping w sqq's dead corpse... check! even got to the holy mausoleum, which i had def forgotten about LOLL. rn i'm just missing a lot of shen qingqiu's back story, which was never really why i was there anyway. the reason me being there being. LUO BINGHE MY PRINCESS BABY! love the scenes when sqq comes back and shows up in binghe's dream realm and binhe is just so devastated... WAAAH. also hey... i only just realized that all the sect leaders at cang qiong mountain have qing in their names LOL. OH ALSO i did spot some typos lol hehehe seven seas!!!!!!!!!!!!

doppleganger by naomi klein FASCINATING read rn. a lot about the digital self being a doppleganger and how historically dopplegangers are harbingers... and how sometimes the doppleganger can be all the things we aren't able to show / aren't socially acceptable. a lot of things threaded through about COVID as well, and it's rather refreshing tho also tiring to read a book that doesn't pretend COVID didn't exist lol — tiring bc it means we have to acknowledge that the government failed to protect us from a mass disabling event and we could do little to nothing about it... also brought up the idea of brands / personal brands being dopplegangers that are Bad (omg am i too stupid to discuss this book properly lol). also obvi brings up things about naomi wolff, her doppleganger, and i was rly shocked to hear about vaccine shedding and how ppl think that's a real thing? and def felt like wolff's fearmongering around vaccines threatening our private data / information was like one degree away from me talking abt like, apple or amazon. but one is backed by science and one is not regulated by the government at all so... anyway! still slowly listening to this on audiobook and it will likely take me a LONG time to finish, but i started bc i wanted to be educated and i wanted something to listen to, since i was already reading things like scum villain w my eyes lol wtf else would i do on my commute or while washing dishes??

the month is already off to a big start! saw aespa on feb 1 WOOHOO but then inhaled too many toxins while out and about ytd hanging w friends who were visiting (could literally feel the grit on my teeth or whatever the fuck is in the air) and woke up with a HEADACHE hope i don't die from cancer and microplastics and metals and whatever the fuck else. anyway cannot concentrate on anything today maybe these entries will document my mental decline as a result of air quality hehe WITHOUT FURTHER ADO!

edit 3/5: this month went to total shit in the latter half so i didn't consume as much media to just be present for my friends and reflect on life and shit yk. life is hard. maybe i am depressed again! no thanks to accutane!

tv

great british bake off: series 15 (10 eps) started this on a whim over the long weekend and loooooved! i mean, i've been watching bake off for years lol but i was a bit behind and i'm glad to have caught up! loved all the bakers :'))))) you could really tell mike and gill were really social + really key to the group becoming so tightknit. the way gill would always help others w their bakes :'( FASCINATING accents, including andy + christiaan (whenever andy talked i learned some new slang that british ppl use lol), and sumayah's gen z tone was soooo funny. also georgie's welsh accent!! i was rooting for mike bc i loved that he was just a farmer boy... i also liked sumayah bc her bakes were sooooo beautiful, and i loved nelly! she was so funny but so optimistic and postive and wholesome! so caring! i'm so sorry to say that john scared me so i didn't love him as much lol. i also liked dylan but have such mixed feelings abt him... he's such a Boy and also such a like, "i'm used to being good at everything so when i fail it feels like the end of the world and i can't recover" and also "i'm going to challenge myself and make things difficult for myself just to be Cool and Different" and... idk the finale was just an actual pain to witness happen lol i think he def has like, OCD or ADHD or something like that. anyway. i also rly liked georgie and christiaan! i was rooting for christiaan — i think he really adapted well based on what he realized the judges liked, and he just did so many risky things that i was secretly hoping he would get away w knocking their socks off every time. lots of fun and a great week-long obsession!

the pitt: season 1, ep 1 (8 eps out so far) i am loving this show so far! very fast paced w a lot of characters + a lot of things happening simultaneously, so there are moments where i'm like ummm... who is this dead patient rn i can't remember :( BUT i like that it's not episodic, so the patient's story isn't over after just one episode. it's organized hour by hour in one ER shift on a significant day for the head of the ER guy, dr. robby. you can tell he's also processing stuff throughout this day, and that's also told as an arc across the episodes, not just resolved within one ep, so yeah! i think the thing that's most special to me abt this show is the structure that gives us more time w these patients + more time to sit w the emotional rollercoaster these doctors are going through. i also am remembering how grey's anatomy, i'm PRETTY SURE, opens w these doctors hooking up in the rest room or something — this show v intentionally steers away from focusing on these doctors and their scandalous relationships w each other and more intentionally focuses on the emotions they feel doing their job — the stress, the trauma, the fear, etc. everyone does their job differently, as well, and is there for different reasons; slo mo (i'm so sorry i don't remember her real name just her nickname LOL) loves to get to know ppl's stories, but that means she's slow at seeing patients. that one new girl who came from the cadaver is just interested in experiences and less so the patient (which actually really bothers me and i don't like her LOL), and crash (once again i'm sorry idk her real name) is only 20yo lmao and clearly mostly driven by parental expectations. it's brought up multiple times that the ER is underfunded and deprioritized, and you can see how even though they have a low satisfaction rating, all of these doctors are v good at their jobs and care a lot abt what they're doing; they're just unable to spend all the time they want to focus on patient satisfaction bc they have too many patients who need attention! i'm intrigued to know more about the r3's story (the one w the ankle monitor and the bangs), curious what will happen to the boy w the death list, wondering how the story abt the separate teens ODing will intersect... we will see!

webtoons / manga / manhwa / manhua

fake fact lips: japanese, complete, ch.7 i love this concept sm these two rivals basically just egging each other into flirting and jerking off and SLEEPING TOGETHER...... very 02z vibes to me, esp the way they genuinely respect each other and speak really highly of each other when the other is not actually around LOL ALSO loved the way that their rivalry is actually rly big for them in that it keeps them going and gives them meaning behind their work bc otherwise they might not have been as motivated / enthusiastic abt their parents' constant pressure. LOOOOOVE that ryou fell first bro fell HARD he was down bad and i love the panels that reveal that! w him in the same position as then vs now. art was rly pretty and artist drew p accurate biology from what i saw??? ryou even had public hair actually it was amazing. saw there was a part two but in general i'm less enthusiastic abt that bc it seems like they introduce a new character who sparks jealousy... don't love storylines like that haha we'll see if i end up reading it...!

you and i can't do this / you really get me going: korean, ongoing?, stopped at ch.29 (end of s1) hmm. at first i loved this bc love the concept of rivals at work lol and i thought it was so funny w such creative visual storytelling -- looooved all the moments when yeongwon and hyunwoo would smile at each other and then flip each other off behind each other's backs lol. the storyboarding for the meat spilling moment was truly truly beautiful hahah this artist is cleraly super skilled and the art is soooo pretty....... it's just so funny too, the "I'LL USE YOU LIKE A GODDAMN DILDO" and the "Mr. Ugly here is a magnet for jerks" lmaooo as well as the little naver search and the little idol actor au..... just so creative! but i thought the plot was a little messy so i wasn't drawn in. like, i didn't feel convinced that they genuinely liked each other by the end of ch. 29, and i thought the introduction of heesung was gonna be so messy in ways that didn't feel like the kind of plot i typically enjoy. maybe i'm wrong! idk when i will find out tho!

secret girlfriend on campus: korean, complete, ch.10 omg! i ended up loving this way more than i expected. the relationship between these is definitely dubcon af lol but to some extent i think it suits the setting, since queerness is so much more suppressed in korea. anyway. at first i thought this was a story that had several elements i liked but without the chemistry to match it; seryeong is a femme top who rly likes showing homophobic loser assholes who is boss (and here is where the dubious consent comes in... lol) and junseop is a FUCKING LOSERRRRRR OMFG and normally i rly like loser men... but at first he was so unlikable... i wouldn't say by the end he's much more likable LOOOOL but he is slightly redeemed. i would say i kinda just kept reading at first bc it was such a short story that i might as well see it to the end to see if i rly liked it or not, and in general i didn't love it lol UNTIL we got more of seryeong's backstory. i fell in love w seryeong just bc he is SOOOOOOOOO pretty in both his more masc presentation as well as his femme presentation... seryeong my gender fluid deity i'm a little obsessed w you even tho you forced this man to suck your dick... (all in the name of fiction lol if this was irl and/or involving women i would be much less forgiving obviously). also the artist drew such pretty dicks???? like wow i mean maybe it's bc i've been seeing too many light sabers but the veins...! the diff angles! wow. i'm impressed. in general the art was rly pretty and i feel like you could tell the artist had a lot of experience bc they made such dynamic positions look easy to draw lol anyway i like the simp junseop develops into (in general he becomes more likable after he buys a dildo lol) and in the end when they finally get together fr and junseop is hateful toward men bc they all pay too much attn to seryeong... SOOO TRUE KING.

off-stage love side: japanese, complete, ch. 6.5 loved!!! love an idol story where their love interest is not a fan or another idol but is someone the idol was down bad for long before they were famous hahah kei was soooo sweet and i liked how it became equal that they drew strength from each other and were able to accomplish / continue their ambition bc of each other. very sweet and wholesome!

ikoku nikki: japanese, ongoing, ch. 6 i really really loved this! looooved the representation of 30+yos who don't have their life together / aren't married / are silly and swear and can't make food properly HAHA also so interesting to see different ways of dealing w grief, in which neither makio or asa are particularly devastated by the death of asa's parents, but it's still had such a big role on their lives so they still need to process in diff ways. really love it, but i just felt like i needed to be in a serious mood to read it and i wasn't that very often this month, so i didn't get very far.

nerd project: korean, ongoing, ch. 34 (end of s1) S2 NEXT WEEK WAHOOOOOOOO at first i thought this webtoon was ridiculous bc it was trying so hard to be set in some western country while still clearly having koreanisms like andrew being like 24 and supposedly rly successful in school as a senior i'm like it's more normal for seniors to be that age in korea than in the US LOL also ripppp andrew's dad being a democrat politician who is an asshat. i ended up really liking luke and andrew's dynamic even tho i thought the beginning was dumb lol i mean it certainly helped that luke is beautiful and i love staring at his face HAHA and i like how their relationship has progressed! luke kinda just clinging to andrew and andrew not really being used to that but being affected by luke's overaffection :') whatever storyline that's about to happen w this director's son better not get nasty bc i hate it when things get a little too dramatic / excessively evil but we will see soon enough!

form of sympathy: korean, complete, ch. 125 ish? again, reaaaaaally loved this. age difference + former teacher + both in love w different ppl LOL fascinating premise, and i thought it was such a clear depiction of depression through jiri. love how blunt yuri is like he isn't even remotely a nice guy LMAO he just does what he thinks is right, and he ends up falling for jiri through the sympathy he feels for him; the love he has for jiri takes the form of sympathy GET ITTTTT???? i did think the struggle of teachers is obviously extremely important, but the storyline weighed a little too much on the manhwa and the plot became unbalanced bc of the author trying to do teachers' experiences justice, so in a way i think it would have been better to do a separate manhwa or even a sidestory that is more dedicated to jiri's role as a teacher. i also felt like the storyline just kept going??? LMFAO i felt like there were like 5 diff endings and even what i read was technically an "epilogue" but still seemed essential to the main story? i don't think i even technically finished but it was just getting harder and harder to find the rest of the story the farther i got along lol. i will say their relationship is def not perfect... saw A LOT of ppl calling them toxic in the comments, and they are technically toxic... yuri does what he does bc he knows jiri won't outright say his feelings, so he essentially manipulates jiri into being more selfish (or sometimes just doing what he wants) by intentionally getting beat up or hurt so jiri has to stay to take care of him. it def becomes worse when they actually get together bc yuri becomes so controlling over jiri, constantly asking what he's doing and where he is and saying he isn't allowed to do things with other people that he can't do with yuri + isn't allowed to drink unless it's with yuri (bc yuri doesn't trust that jiri won't go off and have another one-night stand while drunk, since that's essentially how they developed a more intimate relationship in the first place...) and i will say i thought it was amusing but a little tiring + def less enjoyable, and i wasn't confident that their relationship would resolve in a way where that would become more healthy, so i didn't try as hard to get all the way to the end (if there is an end? jesus christ) bc of those reasons. the author has a prequel that came first featuring yohan and mugyeong's love story while yohan and yuri were in high school, and i've thought abt reading it but it also seems quite different from this one, so idk! we'll see :)

night of muheun: korean, ongoing, ch. 37 ellie mentioned she had started reading this one and recommended it to our little discord channel bc it has the same author as omega complex, which i've mentioned i've read and liked before. it's def not the same artist (and i follow them on twitter — i think they've only done omega complex and its sequel, alpha trauma?) so i wonder if it's the same author as in, the same author of the original internet novel these manhwa are based on? idk! i think this story is pretty different from omega complex so far, but you know... authors are fully capable of writing v different things... that is indeed something that is possible... well either way! i am enjoying this one and the art is pretty and muheun is HOTTTT i've just had a rough latter half of this month and so i wasn't able to keep reading but WE'RE BACK BABY (i think) so i will keep going full steam ahead! UPDATED TO SAY i have now caught up! i do think the story is a bit slow + hasn't really gone anywhere lol like that white haired guy has showed up multiple times but we haven't actually rly learned anything abt him + muheun is constantly sticking to seungjoo and then deciding actually nvm he needs some distance so it's always back to square one w these guys lol BUT s2 is from muheun's pov so far, which i think is v interesting, and i think the angst of his pov is so great heheh i approve!

my beautiful man: japanese, ongoing, vol. 3 this was recommended by lys! and surprisingly it was available on libby! i also checked out and started the light novel, but haven't gotten too far yet - seems like the light novel and the manga are pretty closely tied. at first i was kind of just like LOL this relationship is so twisted bc it's just hira loving kiyoi while kiyoi is just like. blunt but not necessarily mean but also def not nice to him HAHA but it's interesting how hira can actually read kiyoi very well and is v aware of how kiyoi thinks of him, but he's just grateful because no one has ever treated him as quite s normal. the story def becomes more interesting when kiyoi experiences a fall from grace in high school. once i got to vol 3, i did want to keep reading, but i don't think i would be super super excited / first in line to read vol 4 when it releases... UNTIL! i found a thread that explained the order of the series (it's a little confusing bc there are multiple titles for each different phase of their lives) and there was a person who recapped all the novels and I THOUGHT IT WAS SO INTERESTING TO READ MORE ABT HOW THESE TWO ARE ONCE THEY ACTUALLY GET TOGETHER. they are both extremely flawed, and interestingly enough they're probably the only ones who see each other's flaws so clearly, but their feelings for each other genuinely transform each other + they both seriously change so much over time bc of their efforts to understand each other. SO fascinating! i want to keep reading the light novel but i am Suffering from extremely low energy levels rn haha but i'm sure i'll get there eventualy!

alpha trauma: korean, ongoing, ch. 17 i didn't want to start this so soon bc there aren't that many chapters out, but one day i was kinda bored and started this on impulse....... NOOOOOOOO I WANT MORE IMMEDIATELY. i love this story (omega complex + alpha trauma) SOOOOO MUUUUUCHHHH dohyun is so knowing (in a way that reminds me of sang yan in the first frost LOL more on that later) where the person he's interested in is withdrawn from him, but he knows them well enough (plus he's just super perceptive as we remember from omega complex) that he knows everything anyway and is kind of just messing w wooyeon lol. i ended up really liking wooyeon, tho atp i can't remember why bc i'm logging this too late haha but ig i have sympathy for him. omg now that i think abt it he kind of reminds me of wen yifan from the first frost too bc of all the ppl hitting on him yet he has bad experiences w that so it just all feels like harrassment... NOW I REMEMBER WHY I LIKE HIM lol bc he wasn't always like this... he grew into this! kind of my id is gangnam beauty vibes there. ANYWAY yes i am now heartbroken that there isn't more content and seriously contemplating reading the novel lol.

movies

i am always watching movies, but i usually log my thoughts on letterboxd :)

books

i usually log my books on literal BUT this month i have only read half of some books LOL and haven't gotten around to finishing them yet, so i will review what i think of them so far!

long live evil by sarah rees brennan i adore sarah rees brennan and she has been one of my fav authors for a VERY long time. she became ill w cancer quite a few years ago and recently recovered, and upon her recovery she dropped this monster of a novel about a girl who is sick with cancer and ends up transmigrating into a book her sister loves. so far i love it and think it felt especially meaningful bc i knew rae's experiences mirrored srb's own. also, gotta love a transmigration story! i did think it was funny, though some of the slang moments felt outdated already haha and at some points i felt like rae's pov was a little childish — which makes sense bc she's only 20 lol but i was like LET'S GROW UP CHOP CHOP hahahaha. i sort of lost steam when she and key (spelling? i was listening to the audiobook lol so idk how it's spelled) started getting intimate... i did think key was an interesting character but i wasn't that interested/invested in their romance, tho i guess it seems like they might not actually end up together... anyway, ran out of time on my audiobook and now i gotta wait forever for it to come back to me lol.

cultish by amanda montell so far i'm liking this more than wordslut, tho idk if that's just bc i know less about cults so it feels less rudimentary — since that was kinda my problem w wordslut was just that it felt like intro to feminism 101 lol. not that far yet tho haha but i did like her talking about how cults were kinda normal / a neutral word (words like culture were derived from cult) but they developed a bad rep just bc of the levels of extremism that they became known for. also thought the chapter about jonestown was interesting; i think if i were alive at the time, i would have def joined that cult :( didn't realize that he took advantage of leftist spaces like that! anyway, gotta keep reading to keep up w my readalong w valeria and melissa!

as always, this is ongoing, and i will keep updating this post as the month goes on! just want to put my thoughts here before i start forgetting already lol.

tv shows

hidden love, nextflix, c-drama, 25 episodes okay so. never mind my last post lol i ended up finishing this on 1.5x speed. the first like 7 ish episodes while she was a kid were kind of really painful to watch for the reasons i mentioned in my previous post. when she got to college, i really enjoyed how the dynamics of their relationships flipped to the point where sang zhi began taking care of / being present for duan jiaxu in exactly the ways he needed, and i like that it's this that made him begin to see her as a romantic interest. i think duan jiaxu is SUUUUUUUCH an interesting character bc he rly grew up alone and feeling like he had to take care of everything all the time, so the fact that sang zhi balanced that part of him out and became the person he could rely on to really see him and love him in the ways that he was missing for so long... BUUUUUT i feel like the drama did not delve as deeply as i wanted into that aspect of their relationship and instead chose to focus on djx just being like, this weirdly perfect and idealistic boyfriend who will always take care of you and forsee all your needs etc etc. i thought their relationship was very sweet for the most part, but i did get real sick of their shit around eps 22-23 lol they reminded me of all my friends who got partners and then their partners became their whole lives and i was the friend just kinda left behind like ok... ig i don't matter lol the honeymoon phase of the relationship in dramas is always so not for me HAHA on that note i also thought that sang zhi is such an interesting character in the sense that she is such a spoiled little princess (and i get her bc i am also the youngest in my family and i am also spoiled A LOT lol) but she is really kind and empathetic and caring when it comes to duan jiaxu and is able to read what he needs so easily + give it so willingly even tho she is so used to being the one who gets her way. THAT BEING SAID i think that spoiled princess aspect of her relationship would have come out at some point in tiny ways just bc that's the way you are subconsciously and it's not like that doesn't exist at all / disappears just bc you will it to. i think in that vein, both sang zhi and duan jiaxu were a liiiittle bit too perfect as people and didn't have so many flaws when it comes to how they worked together, and i think that perfectness flattened the things that made them interesting as characters. also all the problems that were presented disappeared really easily?? i rather dislike it when things like the jealous ex or controlling parents get wayyyy out of hand in the last portion of the drama; i'm thankful that didn't happen here, but i also think all the problems went away a little too easily lol like duan jiaxu just had to give jiang xing a restraining order to get rid of her? then why didn't he do it way sooner? and sang zhi's mean internship boss just disappeared until the last day of her internship where she magically accepted sang zhi's kind of passive aggressive suggestion that her friend should go to therapy LOLOL. BUT there were still redeeming qualities of course, as i listed above, so overall i guess i don't regret watching it in full!

xo, kitty s2: netflix, 8 episodes bahahaha i loved it as per usual. messy af as always but i think kitty was more likable this season? i felt like everyone's issues resolved p easily despite feeling very large and insurmountable, which i liked, but i'm sure some ppl didn't lol. this reminded me of gossip girl w all the issues going on lol except gossip girl had way more time to stretch these plot points out. loooooove sang heon lee as always lol i wanted more out of the matchmaking scene BY WHICH I MEAN I WANTED THEM TO BE MATCHMADE. mooncovey is endgame idec, loved the prom scene, loved kitty's outfits, i think anna cathcart is growing into herself more and growing into her acting more, but that being said the acting is still not that great in this show as always l o l anyway. my guilty pleasure. at least it's better than emily in paris lol. i liked how this season was also less koreaboo-y. also dae!!!!!!! love him. who knew he could sing like that!

youtube

hmm debating if i need this section or not, but let's see if starting it might help some thoughts pour out.

en o' clock: ep. 100 baeil they basically did a baekil celebration for en o clock where the boys played games to win mochi! jungwon won so he picked the thumbnail but it was a group effort to make fun of jay LOL i loved this ep sm bc the boys were getting so into the games and making their own rules / finding their own strategies. tickling on the pull up bars!! them wanting to be the ones to throw the balls at each other! grumpy competitive jungwon even made an appearance lolol

en o' clock: ep. 101 red riding hood pt.1 they basically played a lot of random games to pick who the taggers would be! ni-ki being good at household chores i love him. also sunghoon brute strength and jake using his wits to win is a constant eoc theme.,

en o' clock: ep. 102 red riding hood pt.2 the game finally begins!

webtoons/manhua/manhwa/manga

count tachibana: korean, complete, ch. 70

dangerous convenience store: korean, ongoing, read up to ch. 51 overall a sweet story! i enjoy how honest geonwoo is; he is truly not playing games w euijoon's feelings and makes it quite clear where he stands. i like the difference between the two and the way they don't even truly know why they're drawn to each other bc i feel like that's p authentic to genuine attraction, and i also really like cha chaehyun! i like how even tho the story involves gangsters, a lot of depth is added to them so that it's not just about them being gritty and fearless and muscular etc etc haha. that being said, i'm not like OBSESSED lol idk if i will keep reading, but doubt i will actively seek out weekly updates or anything. ngl euijoo is kind of a baffling character to me and it's hard to see what his personality actually is like. but whenever the artist draws chibi euijoon, i have to admit he is extremely cute!

i became a first class guide because of my childhood friends: chinese, ongoing, read up to ch. 20 i really like the dynamics here w diametrically opposite twins who are both just extremely down bad for their gege, but show it in different ways. i think qiao yang is interesting; i think there's much more depth to his character that i want to see more of, and the concept of guides and sentinels is a fun one, so i will likely keep reading as more chapters come out!

our sunny days: korean, complete...? stopped at ch. 25 (s1 finale) i enjoyed this story! love how kind haebeom is and i do love when the big beefy guy falls first. the kid is soooooo cute as well and the art is all around quite funny. i stopped at the season finale just bc it was a nice ending where they finally consummate their relationship and i didn't want things to get worse from there lol i was like this is a nice place to pretend the story ends :D

swept away: korean, ongoing, read up to ch. 25 this is cute! i like the twist on the fake dating trope where actually, bada doesn't want their relationship to be seen on a public scale, but the total purpose of their fake dating is for him to get comfortable w dating / practice so he can get better at acting actually. this helped their fake relationship progress much faster than typical fake dating relationships lol which i liked. is it just me, or were the sex scenes kinda long, too? lol not complaining. that being said, i would like a little more characterization! like why tf is chaeyoon obsessed w bada... what is bada's scandal... also bada's such a weirdo in general hahah never had a crush or been curious about kissing or anything like that? trying to figure out who tf he is lol. but still, fun for the moment!

sugar trap: korean, ongoing, read up to ch. 29 (end of s1) OMFGGGGG i was a little confused by the beginning of this manga bc there is all this business talk LOL what with the beginning being so focused on joohwan's work. BUT the story comes alive when we find out about joohwan and sihyun's past together in the military, and then ESPECIALLY when we get sihyun's perspective and realize he's REALLY FUCKING HUNG UP ON JOOHWAN LMAOOO joohwan is sooo gregarious and extroverted that sihyun gets jealous whenever he treats anyone else nicely, and i just think it's such a funny juxtaposition next to joohwan thinking he's Just Some Guy and sihyun's the one that's unbelievable to look at / be in the presence of. the dynamics there are really fun, and ngl the smut is REALLY HOT LMAO author pulled out ALL STOPS. TONGUE PIERCING???? CHOKING???? i am not a feet person but have to admire the number of BLs out there featuring feet kinks lol. also, jooyoung gives me sunoo vibes hahaha so interested to see where that will go....!!

omega complex: korean, complete I LOVE THIS WEBTOON SO MUUUUUUCH i really didn't expect much when i started it, but i like that it's short so none of its misunderstandings are drawn out to long... i love that yoonwoo is never actually swayed by a romance w dohyun (tho dohyun is great and i'm glad he's getting a story too!) and i like how taegyeom likes yoonwoo so much that the omega thing isn't the issue — it's that yoonwoo made the decision for him that he wouldn't like yoonwoo anymore bc of his presentation as an omega. taegyeom is also so thoughtful abt yoonwoo and his consent when he is in heat... very heart warming and wholesome all around! one thing i wish is that i could see more of their interactions w each other's parents, since they're both close. i'm thinking like cfc level of interactions haha like regularly calling abt the other kid and bringing over food for the other kid and asking for the other to behave etc etc. BUT that's just a small wish of mine hahah overall super enjoyable and i liked the art and i am def interested in more stories from this writer / artist duo!

first of summer: korean, ongoing, read up to ch. 16 oh my goodness i adore this! at first i was like ok... idc abt guitar like that... idk abt this one... but I LOVE IT SMMMMM i love how easy the relationship is betw yeoreum and hyunsun. they just click right away, and any miscommunications really don't last long bc they're so good together/to each other. i love how hyunsun says what yeoreum needs to hear abt himself LITERALLY WITHIN ONE NIGHT OF MEETING HIM. hyunsun is rly what yeoreum needs at this moment of his life. the whole yeoreum backstory got to me so bad aaaaaahhhh he deserves all good things! and i loved the way the art totally broke down when he did TT TT. i also thought it was funny to depict the progression of yeoreum and hyunsun's one-month relationship trial w bottles of lube and condom wrappers hahahaha yeoreum is insatiable...... pls spare hyunsun's hole LOL. i am so invested in these two i wanna support this author so badly! RELEASE A PHYSICAL COPY PLSSSS

trashy situation: korean, ongoing, read up to ch. 29 realizing now that i never edited my MASSIVE webtoon post from last year w this one, but i've been steadily reading it since late last year. it has many tropes i love, namely younger boy is interested in older girl who has no idea he exists, younger boy grows older and finally seduces older girl. i like that eungyo is relatively plain and that she also has struggles w her career that are covered in the story as well. i like that lee jaeheon fell in love w her when she was crying. i do think it's a little unrealistic that eungyo's got THREE guys all obsessed w her without her knowing lolol but i did appreciate the insight haeda provided abt how he, jaeheon, and that other ex guy who's name i forgot alr are all rly similar and that leads into why they are all attracted to her. i also like that eungyo calls jaeheon out on his shit re: saying cheesy pickup lines that ppl don't actually believe lol bc in that way i think it's more realistic to how romance actually is! so yes i am following this!

tears of a withered flower: korean, ongoing, read up to ch. 39 yep, still reading this. talked about it already last year on my massive webtoons post! i am still enjoying it and i think it's rly interesting how far the story has come from its beginning. thank god mincheol is kind of out of the picture now. i really love the art bc it's obviously not REALISTIC per se lolol but i like that haesoo rly does have fat rolls like she's not unrealistically smooth in all the positions she's put in lol.

movies

i am always watching movies, but i usually log my thoughts on letterboxd :)

books

i am also usually reading, but i usually log my books on literal!

ides of january and i'm already dropping shit lol. writing here so i don't start reading/watching these things again, and also bc i just want to vent bc i have nowhere else to talk abt these things

if i never met you by mhairi mcfarlane i'm sure this is a great book for other people who want more complex romances... THAT'S NOT ME. laurie begins this book in an 18-year relationship. that shit is not easy to let go of! i kinda think she needs some time on her own to figure out her life! i cannot understand her psyche at all being someone who has never been in a relationship that long! so. not for me, esp bc she spends the like, first quarter of the book upset about dan breaking up with her. AS SHE SHOULD! if this was real life i would be like damn take all the time you need! but bc this is a romance novel, i cannot convince myself that the romance she will fall into right after she breaks up w dan will be a worthwhile one.

hidden love chinese drama i love you zhao lusi and chen zheyuan! but this drama... i'm sure it's cute if i skip to the college bits, which i am currently contemplating doing. but rn this girl has a puppy crush on a guy who is much older... and every scene makes it seem like he's her DAD like all he does is take care of her in the sense of like "make sure to eat well" "study hard" etc etc like i'm not sold! when it's a straight couple and the guy takes care of the woman, i usually only like it if the woman is older and has worked too damn hard and the guy is teaching her to let loose a little or something like that DO YOU GET ME??? also i am obviously not opposed to age gap relationships BUT she is just a high schooler... WHY IS THIS COLLEGE AGED GUY CONSTANTLY HANGING AROUND HER / HER HIGH SCHOOL? like even if he doesn't like her like that yet WHY IS HE VOLUNTEERING AT HER SPORTS DAY EVENT. GO BACK TO COLLEGE DUDE! makes noooooooo sense. i would like it better if she had a puppy crush on him a long time ago and he only saw her now and again and THEN when they were older she starts to see him as a real person as opposed to someone she idolizes + he starts to actually see her in a particular light. OR AT LEAST STARTING THE STORY AT THIS POINT! ok i think i am not making sense any longer i will skip ahead a few episodes and if it doesn't get better i am sorry but i must drop.

this thing between us by gus moreno this book generally seems up my alley — it's creepy and also short! i got like 30 mins in and enjoyed it, but i also can't consume media that is so wholly about grief at this current moment considering all the grief around me rn w the wildfires and tr*mp etc. maybe i will take this up at another time, but i absolutely cannot do this now.

nine rules to break when romancing a rake by sarah maclean this book is recommended v often in the historical romance subreddit, which for some reason i get emails about even tho i don't really read much historical romance lmaooo but i was really craving romance / something light and easy considering all the BULLSHIT that is happening in the world rn + considering i couldn't really leave the apt safely for basically all of january. i enjoyed it quite a bit and really loved callie... idk what happened tho lol i was just in the middle of a sex scene and was like. this is rly boring. i guess i think their sex is boring lmaoooo so i tried to skim ahead, but i am really not a skimmer i find it so hard to do lol so i couldn't move forward. plus, i feel like you know what will happen... they will be happily ever after... idk. i was interested in raston's brother, who has his own book in the series, but i think my winter craving for romance has finally died down a bit so idk if i will ever get around to his book.

i like to think i was more controlled this year than last year, or even the year before... but i still went to many concerts... and a huge majority of those concerts were enhypen LOLOL. i plan to document them here and will update this over time before the new year comes!

ah... the end of the year is approaching... what a time for reflection. i have apps where i review books and movies i've read/watched, but not so much the tv shows i've seen. i think i've actually watched more shows than usual this year, which is really not saying much, but still would be great to document, so i'm gonna try to start here. as always, this will be a work in progress, so i will be fleshing out this list sporadically.

ranma 1/2
arcane
love game in eastern fantasy
oshi no ko
i will be your bloom

okay well... i had a ton of deadlines in september, so i stopped reading manhwa to focus on them and instead got hooked on phone games that i could supposedly stop playing at any moment to get to my important tasks (definitely not what actually happened). once again, i want to remember wtf i played and how i felt while playing them, so i will log them here!

pikmin bloom ah, pikmin bloom. the game that kickstarted this whole obsession. some of my irl friends play it a lot and convinced a bunch of us to download it at our friend's bday party in mid-august. i get super obsessive about games, so i told my friends i wasn't sure about it... and they told me it's hard to get obsessive about pikmin bloom bc you only get 3 mushroom tries a day, and there's only so much you can do in the app. after a couple of months playing, i can confirm that that is true! i do not get obsessive about pikmin bloom bc there is truly not much you can do, especially on days when i don't leave my apartment, and it does encourage me to walk more bc i need a certain number of steps to level up. as a result, i would say this is overall a positive addition to my life! it is created by the same company that created pokemon go, so the format is somewhat similar, but less involved and less stressful, which again, are all good things to me :D

hexa up! i realized i really like sorting games, likely because of some mental issue like adhd or ocd or something (not an exaggeration or a joke, i need to get these things checked out). from the ads i had to watch to keep going with uh.... i don't even remember what i was watching ads for lol..... maybe another game... sorry to that game but it is already lost to the ether..... but i would really like the water sorting and fruit sorting and hexagon sorting ads that would play. i looked up the popular ones, but all the reviews said they had too many ads, so i googled which ones didn't have as many ads and i got here. i will say that i get way too obsessive about this game. once i start, i truly cannot stop. because the level is over when you clear a certain number of hexagons, the board isn't exactly totally clear when you finish the level, and i realize now that that irks me LOL so i feel like i have to keep playing to get to a more clear board... but i will never get to a more clear board... IT'S FINE. as a result, i have kind of stopped with this one, but i did enjoy it A LOT. TOO MUCH.

i love hue / i love hue too this one was another one that came up when i searched for games that didn't have many ads. it's just sorting colors in a gradient. it's fun! i played it a lot while waiting at the dentist bc i wasn't sure when the dentist would come, and the levels are relatively short and easy, tho presumably a nightmare for people who have color blindness. i didn't realize until later bc i would just skip through the screens at the end of a level, but they show you how many moves you took to finish the level, what the world average is for moves to finish the level, and what the fewest number of moves possible is. unfortunately, seeing those numbers inspires competitiveness in me and makes me feel like i must figure out how to achieve the fewest number of moves possible, so i stopped playing this one as much, too.

sp!ng sp!ng was my first apple arcade game! i don't remember how i ended up with apple arcade — i think i just opened the app store in search for another game to play and saw that i had a free trial to apple arcade for a few months and decided, why not? sp!ng is great and very low risk and low effort. you just swing a little ball thing from different anchors to get it to an exit portal, and there are sometimes obstacles like moving walls or sharp thorns or things like that, but it's still pretty nice and mindless. i would play this a lot during meetings when i just needed something to do with my hands lol. they even have a zen mode where you can't die and there are no obstacles; it's literally just swinging from different anchors to collect little coin things. it's great!

love you to bits i downloaded this after exploring more of what's available on apple arcade. a lot of the games on apple arcade are made by people who want to create games that are actually good, which is unfortunately not what i'm looking for. i downloaded this one on a whim just bc i felt like i had to use my apple arcade, and i actually loved it. it's set in space, and it follows this guy who lives with this robot girlfriend who is kind of a criminal and kind of a badass lol and she gets blown up by ppl chasing her, so he sets on a journey to find her parts so he can put her back together again. each level is a new world, so it's really fun and not monotonous in that way, and there are special bonus items you can collect on each level that each hold a memory of the pair's relationship. i will say that some of those bonus items are hard as fuck to find, especially because sometimes they only appear during a certain time period of a level or only appear if you do something that is only available within a certain time frame. i like the actual game too because there's no losing or dying, so the stakes are very low. if there's a threat like a body guard or something, the character just backs away slowly if you run him into them, and once you distract them once, they're permanently distracted for the rest of the level, so you don't have to worry about hurrying through actions. you just wander around, and there are action bubbles that pop up over things you can do actions with, and then you do everything in a particular order to progress the story / level. there are a few times where i was stumped — you have to be pretty obervant! — so i'm not going to lie, i did cheat a few times and look up playthroughs. BUT, overall i was really obsessed with this game bc each level was kind of like its own story, so i finished the game within a matter of 2-3 days. i felt like the ending was unsatisfactory and that the memories showed some problems in their relationship too that i don't think were properly addressed, so in that sense, i think the overall story is still a bit weak.

cornsweeper when i told my friend that i was playing a ton of phone games, she mentioned that she actually had to delete all of the games on her phone, but sometimes she would open minesweeper on her computer and play that. and i was like LOL WTF. WHY WOULD YOU PLAY MINESWEEPER. and then i found cornsweeper on apple arcade and started playing just to see wtf she was doing and became obsessed LOLLLL I LOVE CORNSWEEPER SO MUCH. i already ran through all of the levels, tho i would cheat a lot and screenshot how far i'd get on certain levels before running into a burnt popcorn so that i could redo the levels quickly and win the next time. the more kernels you get, the more items you can buy at the corn stall, and a lot of these are fun boosters to help you win the game. so good! i also ran through this so quickly, though obviously it would take me more and more time to get through the levels as i got deeper and deeper into the game, so this was not a quicky dentist game.

creaks and limbo after i had such a good time with love you to bits, i decided to try some of the more acclaimed games on apple arcade bc i was like, well if they're all like this then maybe i'll love them! reader, i did not love these lol. in limbo you just die soooo violently that i get upset. in creaks, you can also die, so i get really stressed and nervous going through levels. good to find out what i like vs what i don't like!

the gardens between i downloaded this after i realized creaks and limbo were too stressful lol. i figured the premise of this seemed less stressful and pretty chill! the graphics are really cool in this game, and i like that it is also piecing together a story much like love you to bits. very nice worldbuilding over all, and the art has a lot of depth to it! this also makes my phone vibrate, which i like lol but my phone does lag a little bit / get a little hot while playing because it does take a lot of cpu to run i think. that being said, the game is kind of... boring? haha. maybe i didn't get far enough into it (i think i gave up because i couldn't really figure out how to make it to the next level), but it's all about playing with time so that the characters can gather lights at the right time? so it's just having these characters go forward (to go forward in time) or back (to go back in time) to collect lights at just the right time along their path. once again, i didn't get too far, but i really appreciate the quality of the game!

castle crumble i have been extremely stressed throughout the month of september, and there was one day where i just felt like i wanted to destroy things. went to apple arcade and found castle crumble! exactly what it says on the tin — you throw bombs and potions at castles to destroy them. your phone makes such a satisfying vibration as the castles tumble to the ground. there is no blood and destruction bc it's all very cartoon-ish and kid-ish. it's really not hard at all and perfectly scratches the itch re: need to destroy something!

the last campfire an adventure game from apple arcade that i downloaded after realizing creaks and limbo were not for me. i haven't gotten too far into this one, but it seems quite cute! i do like it, but i'm just not in the mindset currently to commit to another really extensive adventure game :( the graphics are really great. i want to get further!

return to monkey island this is another apple arcade adventure game that i downloaded to chase the high of love you to bits but avoid the lows of creaks and limbo. it seems like there is a game before this, since it is a RETURN to monkey island? i played the prologue and found out that none of that was really part of the story LOL this one is VERY story based and so i feel like you really need to sit and listen to the story to keep going / playing, and i haven't had the chance to do so yet! it feels a little simplistic, but again i haven't made it that far, and i'm sure it gets more complex later on. only one way to find out!

i am reading a truly monstrous number of illustrated media right now to the extent that it may or may not be impeding on my daily life, and i figured i should make a little entry about it so that i could remember what i was reading (since i am burning through these at the speed of light lol). will keep updating over time!

edit: 10/4 omg do i need to make a part 2

ongoing:

the guy she was interested in wasn't a guy at all japanese, ongoing, ch. 98, t THE GREEN LESBIANSSSSSS. finally read them despite knowing abt them for a long time, and i'm glad i waited ngl! the chapters are pretty short, so it's nice to have been able to read a lot of the story up until now. in fact, ch. 97 was the perfect place to leave off the story at <3 i love my little tomboy outsider mitsuki... and JOE... BEST UNCLE EVER! i'm so glad that mitsuki has made friends who know her and care about her, even that narita guy LOL i'm glad that didn't end up being an antagonistic moment! the art is sooooooooooooooo gorgeous to me and this manga actually made me cry even though it is objectively not that sad... no i will not be processing that rn

childhood friend complex korean, ongoing, ch. 41, e UHHHHHH unfortunately i watched inuyasha at far too formative an age and so i think acting tsundere is like the epitome of love... IT DOESN'T HELP THAT THESE TWO MCS LOOK VVVV SLIGHTLY SIMILAR TO INUYASHA AND KAGOME TOO........ maybe it's my wishful thinking hahaha either way i really love this dynamic of this guy who seems stoic on the outside but is really so down bad for this girl he's been friends with forever and will literally do anything for her to protect her, INCLUDING helping her explore her sexual curiosities hahahaha this shit is like catnip to me FUCK i'm obsessed. mincheol i am so obsessed with you!!!!! you are so hot to me!!!!!! i also really love the art style. i hate keeping up w ongoing works bc my attention span is just so bad and i always lose track pretty quickly BUT! i am making an effort for this one! i want to see where they will go from here! why is mincheol not a PE major... does it have to do with the wristband haneul never takes off....... hmmmmmmmm...

maybe meant to be korean, ongoing (season 1 finished), ch. 80, m AAAAAAHHHH this webtoon actually doesn't have many tropes that i typically like, aside from marriage of convenience, and in a lot of ways jia and mincheol aren't really the type to seem to fit together, but the storytelling is just soooo fun and imaginative and unique! i really love seeing the ways they work it out and come to understand each other (and like each other for who they truly are) over time! mincheol is so clearly autistic lmfao but i love how jia really gets his weird quirks, like of course he drinks blended chicken and is obsessed with working out and googles how to do things right on the internet all the time. and in turn, i love how mincheol doesn't push jia in the ways everyone else does; i adored the hypnosis scene so so much! i love how they are both so imperfect, but i think i still love them so much because they both love each other so much and it's so clear to see? either way, this is truly flawed characters done right! dang, i even love the side couple romance with sang-u and sooyun! i'm curious about jia's backstory — like why did what happened ruin her relationship with yunju? and why did she stop writing altogether? anyway! genuinely such a fun time!

boy-friend's rule korean, ongoing, ch. 38, t this was just so wholesome! i liked how there aren't huge storylines about hangups and jealousy even though some of these characters like characters who like other characters who like other characters... LOL. i really love bora and want to see more of her (maybe we will after what happens in ch 38???) but in general, once jiun and seohyeon properly got together, my fervor to keep reading to find out what happens next kinda went downhill lmao i AM the problem ppl talk abt re: romance storylines ending as soon as ppl get together (jk i am not LOL but i am when it's high school romance hahaha) but in general a really sweet high school romance story that kept me reading bc it was very wholesome w a good cast! seohyeon is so great, as are jiun's attempts at understanding him! sensing a theme once again in the stories i read hahaha. honestly not sure if i will keep going as more chapters come out!

reasoning with a beast korean, ongoing, ch. 52, m? at first i just read this on a whim... didn't really expect it to be good or go anywhere at all hahaha but i actually ended up really enjoying it! i really like how the format is kinda like a crime procedural, and i really like how smart and clever seojin is bc of all her miscellaneous jobs — girl me too! or at least i like to think i am HAHA. she's clearly a necessary part of taeoh's life, and seeing the ways taeoh develops to recognize that is cool. if we just ignore the political implications, we're so golden!

tears on a withered flower korean, ongoing, ch. 31, e a very sad story tbh — reading all the comments about characterizations were so interesting, because this woman is clearly in an emotionally abusive relationship, and the way it affects her actually permeates everything she does and thinks about herself. the psychology behind mincheol, her stupid ass husband, is also interesting, bc there are moments where he is so so horrible, and then others where it seems like he actually liked her or loved her before everything went downhill. with the most recent updates where ari and fl finally find out about each other's existence show that this type of man engages in cyclical behavior, which is also extremely accurate albeit extremely sad. and of course, this ml seems shady as fuck HAHAHA like is she just leaving one abusive guy to go to another? bc my guy keeps lying about who exactly he is, even if it is to help her in the long run. he is a younger guy, so of course my interest is peaked hahahaha so i will keep reading even though it seems so sad!

how far are you okay with? korean, ongoing, ch. 30, e i read this because someone from the tl discord recommended it for ppl who like cfc — it's cute! younger guy, check! down extremely bad for the girl, check! i think it's funny how embarrassed eunpyeong is by how "perverted" her sexual interests are, but i'm like... tying someone up is supposed to be embarrassing and kinky? i've gone too far hahaha. that hasn't factored toooo much into the storyline so far either, tbh, but i like how this series broke out of the manhwa smut mold bc nyeok actually going down on eunpyeong is hot, and her being vocal about liking xyz vs not liking abc is great. also the part where eunpyeong tries to give nyeok a blowjob and he actually says something abt her teeth — THANK YOU if it's someone's first time giving a blowy it's not gonna be good for sure LOL. and nyeok looking up which positions feel best for women and focusing more on pleasing eunpyeong than himself! very refreshing! i'm very curious but mildly afraid where this criminal record backstory is going to go?? and i'm curious about the title, because rn nyeok and eunpyeong are already dating and seem to be perfectly ok with going however far lol. will be keeping my eye on how this series goes!

a demon's wish korean, ongoing, ch. 49, e really adore the art here and i like the push-and-pull going on in the beginning! at first i was going to leave this for later bc i didn't want to wait for more chapters, but i started reading more of it bc it's just sooooo popular so i wanted to know what i was missing out on, and BOY WAS I MISSING OUT. as i mentioned above, i grew up on inuyasha... and this is like inuyasha redux so obviously i fucking love it LMAO ancient times romance w fl possibly / probably being the reincarnated version of the demon's first love? AMAZING. i also love that doyah is actually like one of the most powerful demons ever, but his power is essentially for nothing bc he was heartbroken so bad that he regularly gets magicked into forgetting everything about his past by his "uncle" taeha THIS IS JUST MADE FOR ME I THINK. i looooove how doyah still doesn't necessarily understand his feelings toward so won, but he recognizes that at least physically / attraction-wise, he's soooo down bad for her, which is another dynamic i loveeee haha he's a MESS whenever they get physically close at all and i love it so so much. i also like so won — i like that she's sexually forward and isn't shy about showing sexual desires or asking for sex. i do think she's a little bit messy too lmao like girl how are you breaking up with jaehyun and then having intercrural sex w doyah like barely even an hour later. but overall the dynamics are soooo up my alley that idec if the plot is messy for now lmao we'll see where the story goes from here!

completed:

two weeks and counting korean, complete, ch. 66, t i read this bc i loved childhood friend complex so much that i wanted to read the other things this author has written. it was actually fun to see the ways the author had grown between this work and cfc, as well as what things have stayed the same — she def has a penchance toward really bold and fiery FLs and quietly dependable MLs, which i really love! i also loved both kibum and namsoo, and i loved seeing kimsoo's relationship with both of them! when the supernatural stuff started happening i was like hmm... this is interesting... it did make the manhwa more unique, and i liked how it explained why kimsoo was so drawn to kibum, but i also think it did make things complicated and slightly overdramatic and kind of got dropped during the time skip in the end haha. i thought some elements of the plot were a tad rushed — but maybe understandable bc i'm sure the author was only given a certain number of chapters to tell the story w, so i can imagine that's really hard! in general i did enjoy this a lot, and it makes me look forward to this artist's long career ahead :) and because I read this, I was able to spot some easter eggs in cfc :) :)

a summer night's dream korean, complete, ch. 86, t i adored this one so much! i loved si-u and i do tend to love storylines abt younger guys who are down bad for older women haha. i also thought the dream premise was so fun and interesting, and i thought there were some suprisingly deep and really beautifully conveyed messages in here about parenthood, what love really is, etc. the first half of this series is a bit more like school 2013, where each student has a sort of backstory, and i loved how this made the cast feel more full and well-rounded. i genuinely grew to care about each of the characters and was really warmed by how much they all cared about each other in turn. the hajin storyline was maybe the one storyline i felt a bit less satisfied by... i guess i felt like hajin and yeoreum didn't get enough closure. the story could have also steered away from dreams (and did around the middle!), but i liked how it brought dreams back as a significant part of the story at the end. really really heartwarming with a surprising amount of depth! tho of course, lots of trauma as always haha. i like to imagine seokhwan and ju-o ended up together in the end :DDDDD

sixth sense kiss korean, complete, ch. 86, m? a little suggestive but not explicit lol aaaahh. i really really enjoyed this one in the beginning and laughed so much throughout! but i ended up kind of dragging myself to the finish line... i felt like it was just so overdramatic for no reason, and i also felt like the pair sort of lost their personalities when they got together, which is a bit of a pet peeve of mine in romance stories. it just felt a little too cliche — like too many coincidences and too many missed timings etc., and i felt like yesul's past with jiun wasn't that well explained... it sounded toxic af like jiun you weren't the only one at fault! ANYWAY. i finished it! it was fun at least!

que sera sera korean, complete, ch. 70, m omg this plotline has been done before in so many different ways across so many different eras LOL and ngl i was actually about to drop this one... but then i got past the pregnancy and really fell in love. the characters are definitely flawed — like what gave sungyeong the right to impose her beliefs and desires onto hani? sungyeong was also rather unlikeable at the end as well, and i didn't really understand why she was so upset to find out about sunjoon and hani's relationship? i mean... i get it to a point, but not to the extent that she went? yenipang was also an interesting one lol but i'm glad that wrapped up nicely, but overall i just loved ran soooooo much and loved how sunjoon was with ran!!!! could read a whooooooole 70 more chapters about the three of them together aaaaaahhhhh i swear i don't have baby fever..... i just love noona romances and also accidental baby acquisition. SO WHAT?

here u are chinese, complete, ch. 139?, m i have definitely read this before (could recognize the art immediately), but i ended up rereading it bc i didn't remember anyyyythingggg about the story. i really love how real it is; zhang jianyu is clearly a fujo haha but i like how xiaoyi balances her and reminds her that the people she is trying to scheme together are real people, and there are real implications for them being gay in real life vs in a story. i also loved and related to chu huanwen's story so very much — p sure the first time around his story hit me the hardest too. and just in general li huan and yu yang are just so perfectly in love and caring for each other AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH it makes me so happy to see the little chapters that feature snippets of their life beyond the manhua. loved it just as much as i did the first time!

can a gangster leave the gang? korean, complete, ch. 4, e veeeery short and fun with very pretty art! not too deep — i think there could have been a lot of drama from the reveal at the end of chapter 1, but luckily (?) sungjin is bad at his job / just very whipped for his hyung HAHAHA. pure fluff, no strife really, which made it a nice palate cleanser!

sweet dreams korean, complete, ch. 48, e omg! i absolutely loved the premise of this manhwa. i read the summary and kind of moved onto other manhwa for a few days, but i came back to this one bc i remembered the premise and i was interested in what kind of story would unfold. i'm really glad there were two seasons, and that these two seasons focused on different people — i think jaehee and taerim's story wrapped up nicely, and i wouldn't have enjoyed manufactured drama to keep the story going. i do wish that there had been more explanation about why jaehee was so special... she just had a lot of yin? is that it??? hahaha and i think there could have been more of them falling in love, but then would taerim have died LOL he was so close to bad things happening. on the flip side, i really liked how the second season focused on a woman succubus. i loved how bold taeyi was, and how hyeseong would constantly surprise her and knock her off her throne. when they spent an entire weekend fucking in their dreams??? tf hahahaha. i like how you really gain something different from both stories — i would 1000% take more side stories from different characters in this same universe. for example, for a sec i thought the second season would be focused on that other incubus from the first season and jaehee's coworker...... haha. would even love to get taeyeon's backstory! this author truly went off w this concept... and the art was quite nice! maybe i'm saying this bc i literally just finished a manhwa w poor / messed up proportions for the sex scenes hahahah this felt much sexier!

a friendship so impure korean, complete, ch. 10, e hmm! i liked the artwork here, and it's clear how the artwork developed over time with more experience. i also thought jihoo was so so sweet, and i'm glad siyeong didn't spend too much time entertaining her ex. the scene when she confronts him in the stairwell when he shows up to her apt... i was really glad she stood her ground and didn't REALLY need jihoo to intervene. i thought it was overall a sweet and quick story, and i loved the happy family epilogue!

who made me a princess? korean, complete, ch. 125, t omg! i sped through the first like 80 chapters and then kind of slowed down once athy grew up bc i had a lot of deadlines crop up but also bc the plot gets a little more convoluted near the end, so it's harder to follow / keep track. it's actually more difficult for me to look at the story as a whole because i read it so spread out, so it's hard for me to gauge pacing etc... but i think hands down my fav part of this whole thing is claude and his brother being girl dads. i just think it's so so sweet to be down bad for your daughter, and it gets me emotional thinking about how athy is basically all claude has left to remind himself to be a person. i am extremely intrigued by claude's story and i find the chapters involving him most impactful, so it did make me sad to see him basically written out of the story for quite a number of chapters closer to the end. i thought jennette was annoying lol but someone pointed out in the comments that she is technically the one who is mentally the youngest, since athy is an adult in a baby's body and lucas is also not actually that young, and especially since she's kind of been manipulated her whole life, it makes sense that she's mentally naive. i also love love loved lily and felix and i need more of their story as well! i haven't read the side stories, but apparently....... there is a lot there..... does anyone know where i can find them.........

narae's fantasy korean, complete, ch. 38, e well. i found this one from a reddit thread recommending manhwa similar to sweet dreams. in the beginning, it seemed like it would be pretty similar and would be pretty fun; there is a character named nokjoo who is a succubus and sleeps w narae and takes her to a mysterious mansion that only people with certain energies can live in... which made me think more succubus stuff was gonna happen, but NOPE. nokjoo is hardly seen again, and the reason for the mansion barely makes sense? a lot of people say that it seems like things wrapped up in this story too quickly, so it was probably cut off / canceled before it could actualize any storylines, but idk... i think even from the very beginning, the story was rather weak. when the three potential love interests were introduced, i could immediately tell that i didn't actually really like any of them. once it became clear narae would end up with team leader ahn, the author / artist didn't put any effort into developing their relationship further beyond sex scenes. narae would say she couldn't imagine herself with anyone else and she was so in love etc etc but i didn't really SEE that in any of her actions or NONEXISTENT conversations with team leader ahn. i ended up liking jaehee the most out of all the characters in the end, bc everyone else was so gross. there was a lot of depiction of seemingly nonconsensual sexual situations, including a gross vice president guy who just has some weird creepy sex den? and chef kang's storyline basically fell soooo flat, he ended up being entirely unnecessary. maybe i am being way too harsh... i mean, i myself am really bad at constructing stories, and it does take practice and experience to be able to write stories at all. so in that sense, i think it's quite impressive that the author completed a whole manhwa! but it was just definitely not for me :(

ones i started and want to continue when more chapters come out:

villain with a crush korean, ongoing, read up to ch. 3 the premise (girl gets saved by a legendary superhero police guy, crushes on him, develops powers of her own, wants to get close to him but ends up accidentally being cast as a new villain) seems really fun and interesting and funny! the art is nice, tho this ML is as white as a sheet of paper my god he needs some vitamins LMAO. rn s2 only just started, so i think there will still be quite a few chapters to go. will wait until s2 is more underway!

third ending korean, complete, stopped at ch. 29, e i started this and really enjoyed it and was really curious about where it was going, but the site i was reading it from only went up to ch. 29 and had it marked as complete SIGHHHH i tried googling to find where else i could read the rest of the story, and ppl said that the second season was not as good bc yoonseul is too clingy and kang joon is bad at communicating, so the sex scenes seem a little tooooo nonconsensual. someone on reddit recommended honey bear instead, so...

honey bear korean, complete, read up to ch. 7, e? this one was really cute! hajin is sooooooo pretty and so funny at how hard he is trying not to lead geonwoo on bc he knows geonwoo wants more than hooking up and he's a... non-loveist? hahaha is that the same thing as aromantic or is it just that he's not looking for a relationship? either way, it was super super cute, but i noticed there seemed to be a missing bit between ch. 7 and ch. 8 so now i need to look for a proper place to read the whole thing! which i WILL. very soon.

ones i dropped (need to write these or else i'll try to read them again and be like wait a second...):

to love your enemy korean, complete, dropped at ch. 53 i didn't hate this... but i also didn't love it and i didn't want to waste my time further when THERE'S SO MUCH OTHER GOOD CONTENT TO READ! i DO love noona romances, and i also love younger men who are down bad for older women... and i love a haters to lovers romance... BUT i felt like the ML in this story was a little TOO childish and clueless. i like it when the younger guy is down bad AND ALSO capable of taking care of the noona. HASN'T NOONA SUFFERED ENOUGH??? THROUGH THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF LIFE??? i felt like the FL here mostly saw ML as cute, which doesn't really feel like she "sees him as a man" as the korean webtoons love to say lol, so i wasn't sold on their romance.

operation: true love korean, ongoing, dropped at ch. 10 i don't know if i should keep trying with this one since it's sooooo popular... but in general the FL seems like WAY too much of a pushover not wanting to break up with her boyfriend. i understand she's an insecure teen... but i think i am finally beyond wanting to dig deep into stories about insecure teens lol. also the fact that in the prologue at least, she says she cheats on her bf w eunhyeok??? GIRL JUST BREAK UP! YOUR BF IS TRASH! JUST. BREAK. UP. i just feel like her problems are easy to solve lmao. i have also definitely started this before in the past, and i think i stopped for similar reasons as well, so I HOPE I REMEMBER NEXT TIME THAT I HAVE ALREADY TRIED THIS.

charming you korean, complete, dropped at ch. 7 i picked this one up for the art, and it was generally kind of funny, but i think this girl is too much of a stalker for me to feel good abt this turning into a romantic situation. she feels a bit like a pick me for being like "everyone is obsessed w sunbae but i'm special bc i turn him away!" idk! i'm not sold.

my younger brother's friend korean, complete, dropped at ch. 1 LMFAO this is WAY too much of a fantasy written by someone who does not have younger brothers / has not actually hung out with high school boys lmfao all of this brother's friends being considerate of the noona like... idk i'm not THIS delusional haha

bakha korean, ongoing, dropped at ch. 11 idk... maybe i will continue w this one? i mostly started it bc it was smutty and seemed to have pretty art, and i am somewhat curious about who exactly this man is, but the story doesn't have much substance so far. i will say it is still early, so maybe i'll pick it back up when more chapters come out. time will tell!

meet me in the middle korean, ongoing, dropped at ch. 14 okay, i'm still not sure if i will drop this or not... i thought the premise (these two people are both lying about their age in two different directions HAHA) was super funny and interesting, and i think the plot is moving forward at a nice pace where you find out just enough to wonder what else will be revealed. that being said, i guess i want to see more of the ml being sweet to her? as of now it's really clear that he's using her, and i want to get to the part where he has emotional investment, too. maybe if i keep reading it'll come along soon enough, but as of now, there are too many other more interesting manhwa for me to read to spend my limited free time on this one!

just a list of fics i rly loved that i don't want to forget!

waiting for this moment to be free by insaeng | seunghan/wonbin | T, 13.9K words (epub)
high school au (tho part 2 is college), childhood friends au, runaway!seunghan

oH MY GOD WHERE DO I EVEN START. this one was one of the first riize fics i ever read and it changed me as a person omg it consumed me and it was like all i could think abt for like DAYS afterward the universe Would Not Let Me Go. insaeng is the RULER of seunghan/wonbin (what are they called... wonhani???) and their work is so immaculate but this is the one that left the deepest impression on me bc it was the first i read! afterward i was obsessed w this pairing too iMAGINE MY FACE WHEN I REALIZED HOW RARE THIS PAIR IS. anyway. this is the first part of a series and the second part is 53K LIKE HELLO THANK YOU FOR MY LIFE!!!!! INSAENG MORE LIKE GODSAENG!!!!

touch, warm, melt, lips by insaeng | seunghan/wonbin | E, 4.8K words (epub)
childhood friends au, rule 63!park wonbin

WONBIN NOONA. this is f/m which i will not lie i do enjoy reading and i rly loved this one so much i read it twice back to back immediately lmao WONBIN NOONA IS SO PERFECT TO ME... SEUNGHAN IS SO PERFECT omg anyway insaeng has so many excellent godtier works but this is one i keep returning to as well!

ganjang gejang by gongilz | sungchan/eunseok | E, 23.6K words (epub)
post-grad san francisco au, ftm eunseok

oh ftm eunseok i think of you OFTEN. i think abt this fic so much omg it just feels very real and like a peek into eunseok's life tbh rather than a story — not so plot oriented but just life-oriented, which i think is rly immersive and emotional. eunseok is Depressed and sungchan is Perfect and author probably lives in sf with the level of detail abt the city in this fic, which i also appreciate; love when the setting comes alive in stories! love the ensemble cast here too and how everyone cares so genuinely for eunseok WAAAAH this is like comfort fic for all depressed ppl tbh no big problems just finding love and being cared for :') gongilz has cornered the market on putting eunseok in Situations and i am tuned tf in for it! which, speaking of...

why should we? (why don't you?) by gongilz | sungchan/eunseok | E, 13.6K words (epub)
modern post-grad au, neurodivergent!eunseok

AUTISM SPECTRUM EUNSEOK HOW I LOVE YOUUUU also sungchan is once again Perfect i see author has a thing w him in this ship being able to take care of eunseok and understand him in a way that is on a deeper level, which i admit is something i also very much like in my ships! i also just love "didn't know they were dating" tropes so this made me VERY happy.

double scoop of vanilla by gongilz | sungchan/anton | E, 8.3K words (epub)
college au, humor

i'm glad to know this author is able to see the many facets that make up sungchan, including his loser failure side. i was CRYING at this it is SO funny, and i choose to believe that wonbin has First Hand Experience for all of these things he's warning anton about LMAO wonbin/anton/sungchan farther down the line???? maybe???? please???? WHICH. SPEAKING OF.

'perfect for you' series by jaewinies | sungchan/anton/wonbin | 5 works, 13.9K words total (epub)
college au, polyamory / love triangle

when u and ur crush have been flirting and might like each other but ur best friend sees him and falls in love and u love ur friend too much (any maybe also ur too much of a coward) to tell him to stand down but then also ur crush and ur bffl both have crushes on u and are now fucking with u (and fucking while thinking of u) what could go wrong, really?????

To Dick Pic Yoda, Thanks for Everything! Jung Sungchan by muppetalgia | sungchan/eunseok | E, 20.9K words total (epub)
college au, (accidental?) sexting, friends to lovers

this is for real one of my favorite fics ever omg i was legitimately crying with how hard i was laughing. it is everything i love in it... losers... accidentally sending the wrong thing to someone... asking someone for "practice" but really seducing them... pining omg so much pining. it's just so funny author is perfect to me!!!

hot under the collar by muppetalgia | seunghan/sohee | E, 22.2K words (epub)
dogboy!sohee, catboy!seunghan, owner!eunseok, rivals to lovers

once again... just a recipe of everything i like lol although i admittedly do not have any preference whatsoever abt hybrids, i do LOVE haters to lovers LMAO esp bc we all know how obsessed w sohee seunghan is... this rivalry / hatred is entirely one-sided lol which is even Better to me! i also have to respect author's big big big brain bc after this i could NOT stop thinking of sohee/seunghan/eunseok, which is underrated but SO REAL eunseok is ALWAYS hanging around w the kids lmaoo so thank you @ muppetalgia for Opening My Eyes to such a godtier throuple!

Tenacious, Can-Do Attitude by Cd6track6 | eunseok/sohee | E, 7.4K words (epub)
college au, TA au, mistaken identity

more things i love........ when u have had a massive crush on a grad student for literal years and they have no idea who you are but when you have a tenacious can-do attitude anything is possible!!! lee sohee i respect you even tho you are a Loser Failure lmfao very funny!!! will forever associate sohee in glasses w this fic 😵‍💫

DO A FLIP! by endofday | sungchan/sohee | E, 8K words (epub)
college au, frat au, halloween party, size difference

I LOVE THIS PAIRING i am so sad... So Sad... at how empty the tag is lol but at the very least we have THIS aka all i've ever wanted... loser sungchan and sohee fully recognizing how much of a loser he is but also wanting to hook up w someone that night and WHY NOT this loser who is clearly into him already... less work for him! i said this in my riize dynamics post but for me sungchan/sohee fics must must must mention size difference and dw everyone we have that COVERED here! i'm gonna reread this right now.

you turn on like a flashlight by lovesjar | wonbin/eunseok | E, 9.3K words (epub)
college au, fwb...?

YET ANOTHER "accidentally sent someone something i shouldn't have" fic lmao i think my fav tropes are obvious at this point but i just adore the characterizations here like this is NOT a pwp bc it is so layered with so much introspection and so much character analysis like we truly understand what draws eunseok to wonbin even though he thinks (tells himself!) he doesn't really care for wonbin at first. there's something abt this pairing that i'm still trying to wrap my head around, and i think this helped a lot!

always us two by idlesong | sungchan/anton | M, 6.7K words (epub)
college au, sexiled buddies

eager earnest sungchan u are my everything! the anton characterization is also so good and idlesong is a master at perfectly balancing humor with that human emotion that makes a story truly come alive. i Love Them also tbh i read this a while ago so i don't remember much except that i felt a lot of emotions reading this! going to reread now hehe

i was complaining about the lack of primers in this day and age and my friend was just like, "why don't you just make them yourself?" so okay FINE i'll be the change i want to see in the world. i've also found that since first diving into enhypen in 2022, i've already forgotten a lot of the reasons why i shipped certain ships at certain periods of time, so this is me trying to not let that happen w riize, who i just got into earlier this year. i'll probably update these posts as i go, so it'll just look barebones for now, but hopefully i'll develop more and more of an organization to it over time. as i am with all fandoms, i imprint on one to two people and ship them with everyone and/or ship every variation of three to four ppl... and in this case that person is sohee and that variation is anything between wonbin, anton, and sohee, which will be pretty clearly reflected below i think, so. without further ado!

wonbin and anton (ttonnen / wonton)

these two are surprisingly similar; both so introverted and relatively quiet (i know so many ppl say wonbin is a yapper but imo he's not actually LOL he just is when he thinks he has to be aka in content he knows fans will consume), but they also bicker A LOT which i think is hilarious... both annoyed af with each other but no one can really tell bc they barely say anything about it... perfection to me. of course, online is a different story; exhibit a.

clips that make me lose my mind:

fan edits that make me lose my mind:

guilty as sin?

wonbin and sohee (biniddori / ddoribini / nenddo)

i think at this point i could write a whole entire essay on these two. people always talk about how sungchan and wonbin keep their relationship under wraps bc they rly don't flaunt it at all, yet they are always dropping that they know so much about each other... WONBIN AND SOHEE ARE THE SAME WAY. we know for a fact that the are both very close with sion, esp since sohee lived with sion and yushi as a trainee (source: nct wish daechinso), so they MUST have hung out so much together and must know so much about each other. they have an ease and comfort with each other that feels years old in the sense that it feels like they know each other well enough that that type of touch is thoughtless, not orchestrated at all. they're literally always next to each other, both on stage and off, which is what ppl say abt chanchanz but. how have we not collectively noticed this about THESE TWO before.

little tidbits:

clips that make me lose my mind:

fan edits that make me lose my mind:

pics:

accounts for more references:

anton and sohee

well. they're roommates. i think they have typical roommate issues lol that goes without saying (anton with his damn alarm lmfaoo plus that one time anton fell asleep w his face mask on and sohee didn't wake him up... sohee playing games all the time... tho idk it sounds better than when anton and eunseok were roommates and eunseok hogged the desk and relegated anton to only hanging out on his bed lol) but to me the main appeal is always and forever big small. that being said, they're kinda milking the fanservice these days, constantly picking each other as answers for questions like who/what you would take with you on a deserted island and where do you want to go for vacation. all of that AND anton has ddolbyeong right next to meongryeongie and the sohee sticker right next to his own on his phone.

clips that make me lose my mind:

accounts for more references:

none_tonddo

shotaro and sohee

it's not like i don't see it... they're always taking pictures together and always touching HAHA i think their love languages (and also sense of humor) just align super well! which is objectively funny because they themselves have said they were the most awkward with each other and took the longest to warm up to each other, probably because our dear ddori is so introverted and shotaro is soooo extroverted hahaha. that being said, these days they've been suuuper lovey-dovey; for the riizing day tokyo fancon, each member chose an "angel" from a bowl and gave a descriptor abt them to see if ppl could guess who they picked, and sohee said the person he picked was his bias... guess who he picked :) also for the recent duo game video they did, shotaro and sohee ended up on the same team bc sohee fucking gunned for that lemon LMAO okay dude chill we get it that's your boo!

clips that make me lose my mind:

"he (shotaro) is my favorite" - lee sohee: a thread

sungchan and sohee

big small. the basketball we riize ep was the first episode where i started paying attention to these two, and i haven't been able to stop ever since.

clips that make me lose my mind:

fan edits that make me lose my mind:

last night story

seunghan and sohee (seungso)

this is like pointing a neon sign that says "this is a bowl of oranges" to a bowl of oranges.

clips that make me lose my mind:

we riize everland ep sohee counter brooo we get it you are obsessed

fan edits that make me lose my mind:

sungchan and eunseok (yeongwonz)

tidbits:

shotaro and wonbin

clips that make me lose my mind:

shotaro's punishment from riizing day in hong kong - wdym come to my room later???

eunseok and sohee (ddodolz)

clips that make me lose my mind:

ALMOST 17 MIN COMP KBRIIZE FUJOS THANK YOU FOR MY LIFE

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